Should I leave?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2006
Should I leave?
3
Sat, 08-19-2006 - 9:15pm

OK so my husband and I have been married for a little over 3 years and have a 2 year old daughter. I haven't been happy for the past year or so, but the problems have been going on since we were dating. He's VERY controlling, very critical, and has been physically abusive in the past (not in the past few months though). My friends and neighbors are constantly asking me why/how I put up with it, even though they like him as a person, they don't get why I deal with his BS. I've always considered myself a positive, laid-back person, but since we've gotten married, I've become very anxious (am on medication for it now) and feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells around him. He yells at me a lot over things that most people (I think) wouldn't care about, and I never know when he's going to freak out. He yells at me in front of our daughter, and has even been abusive towards me in front of her.

He is a good person at heart, but I can't deal w/ the stress and negativity much longer. I'm seeing an attorney this week, and my best friend just finished law school and has been filling me in on the legal side of things. My dad said he will help me in any way, and I have a strong support network of friends and family. I almost feel bad when I think about leaving, about what it will do to him, but at the same time, the way he's made me feel so many times (calling me names, being critical about everything, etc) has built up so much that I know I probably shouldn't feel bad. We've tried counseling and everything, I just don't see him changing. Anyway, if anyone has advice or is in a similar situation (or has been), PLEASE give me some insight- I've been getting so many opinions and advice from people but none of them have been through this before!

Thanks a bunch!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
Sat, 08-19-2006 - 9:48pm

My dad was verbally and emotionally abusive to my mom my whole life growing up and I always wished that she would have dumped him long ago. She never did, and he mellowed out with age, but not soon enough to prevent major issues in my life that I am still dealing with now.

I promised myself that I would NOT put up with that, and I don't, from anyone. I strongly urge you to not put your daughter through this AT ALL. She is still young enough not to remember. Those days will soon be over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sun, 08-20-2006 - 8:47am

Based on what you have said, leaving sounds like a wise

Avatar for eatatmoms
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-20-2006 - 11:14am

Leave while you are emotionally and physically strong enough to do so. The longer you are with him the more impact his words will have on you. Don't wait as long as my sister did with her first marriage. It didn't last long at all, but long enough for him to throw her down a flight of stairs. Go now while you can.

Melanie