Should I move away?
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| Tue, 08-28-2007 - 10:58am |
Almost a year ago I split with my ex, it was a very on/off thing but I'd known him for years and always wanted him in the back of my mind, when we finally got together it was like I hadn't been wrong all those years.. fate, whatever you want to call it it was just like everything I wanted had come together. Then he left me, it was typical of him meeting someone else - he stopped contacting me, drifted away, he was just too spineless to admit it and actually leave me, in the end I just gave up and let him drift away which he did. I was devestated but there was nothing I could do so I let it be and tried to keep in touch on friendly terms to avoid any awkwardness.
He is now with someone else and obviously adores her, I half suspect they are engaged. The thing is it kills me everytime I have to see him and them together, I don't know why but I just can't move on. I find myself still deluding myself and contacting him even though he never returns my contact and I know he really doesn't give a damn about me, he doesn't even speak to me as a friend anymore which hurts. A mutual friend told me not so long ago that he used to call me "the future Mrs **" followed by "but of course that was before he met **" which was a bit of a kick in the teeth, I think I'd rather of just known he never cared about me at all than being replaced so bluntly.
The thing is absence really does make the heart forget and although he plays on the back of my mind I move on and it doesn't destroy me day to day when I don't have to see him - but because of where I live and work I DO see him all too often. I'm starting to think for my own sanity I need to move away, I'd be leaving a good job, my friends, home and family but it's been a year - if I haven't got over it yet how am I ever going to stuck in this viscious circle?
I just don't know what to do?

afbe
I don't think you should move. Do you have family nearby? how long have you been at your job?
IMO, you should make new friends. Open yourself up to change with friends. I have had to do that myself. It has been hard, but my friends are great! I am very lucky. My other friends whom I used to hang out with (prior to asking for a separation from my H) - some are still friends, but not close friends anymore. Some aren't friends, and I'm ok with that now.
I'd start slow in talking to new people and spark a friendship or two. I'd also say go to a therapist. Talk about all of it.
It is hard to move on. I had an EA with a mutual friend of ours and it has proven harder to move on from that than my H. I too see him on a regular basis. I have taken a couple of weeks away from the atomosphere where I usually see him and although it is sad that we aren't really friends anymore, I am getting past the affectionate feelings. If I need to keep spending time in a different "circle" and busy with other things, in order to do that, I will. For myself.
But to move is a big step that you may be able to avoid and you may actually surprise youself and find that you do have the strength to get past him. I don't think people give themselves enough credit for their abilities and strengths. You just have to make that choice - you are number 1.
Good luck and be strong.
S
Efbe,
A broken heart takes a lot of time to heal. It often takes a little help, too.
My advice? First, stop contacting him. It's obvious he doesn't want contact with you. You're torturing yourself by hoping he'll call back, which will lead to you hoping he'll come back. He's sending you
Oh, I'm going back home to my family in Florida! I never wanted to come to ALABAMA! I will give him liberal visitation but he will have to pay for transportation. Of course that's IF we don't work things out in therapy.
Saelee
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