Should l stay or should I go?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2008
Should l stay or should I go?
4
Tue, 08-26-2008 - 1:56am

So here’s my story.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2008
Tue, 08-26-2008 - 1:03pm
Hi I am currently separated from my husband of 26 years. There is a book our therapist recommended we read called' getting the love you want' by harville hendrix. I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to save their marriage. It will help you understand where your husbands anger is coming from and it will help you understand why you put up with it. Please go out and buy this book read it and if you can get your husband to read it after you. Every relationship is worth saving. Good luck to you and let me know what you think of the book
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2008
Tue, 08-26-2008 - 1:06pm
I understand exactly what you are saying! I have not bought a mushy card for my husband since our first year or marriage-3 years now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 08-26-2008 - 2:54pm

Sounds like my STBX. I put up w/ his anger for a few years cause he has bipolar disorder, so I cut him a lot of slack, like maybe his medications aren't right and when he gets on the right medications, he will be better, things like that. We went to marriage counselling once and I told him that it was very important to me that if we had a disagreement that he not yell at me and esp. swear. When he gets mad, he just starts to get very vulgar and every sentence has the F word in it which I think is totally unnecessary & very disrespectful. do you think he ever changed? No. I could be very calm, ask him not to swear, whatever. And he never apologized either. Finally I just got fed up. I don't want to have to live like this for the rest of my life. My kids (not his, they are from the first marriage) were under a lot of stress & basically spent a lot of time in their rooms to get away from him. I was always nervous & anxious about who might do something to irritate him.

The funny thing about him, like your DH is that he could also have the romantic side. he would always get me the mushy cards. Finally I figured out that anyone can spend 10 mins. to buy a card, but what does the card mean if you aren't nice to your spouse the other 364 days of the year? He was always complimenting me on my looks (which aren't great) and other things, so it was like living w/ Dr. Jeckyll & Mr. Hyde.

I have to say that since he moved out, things have been so much better & my kids are 100% happier and so am I. I don't have insomnia any more, no anxiety, no arguing. It's great.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2008
Tue, 08-26-2008 - 4:51pm

Thank you all for your responses.