Should you reconcile?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Should you reconcile?
3
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 10:16am

I know there are several people on this board considering reconciliation with their STBXs or ex's. And even if we're not there now, many of us have considered this in the past.


Here's a nice, short article about it: Should You Reconcile?


It took me filing for divorce twice before I finally went through with it and learned the following:


Some women change their mind and try again—not because they think it can work out successfully, but because they are afraid of the unknown of the future. The future is always unknown, whether you stay or you go. However, making decisions that are based on truth rather than fear is always healthier. It puts us in charge of our lives and our destiny.


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2006
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 10:34am

Hi Christine. I love your new picture. You look great...a new look for a new time in your life.

I just wanted to post that my "stbx" and I have spent three weeks trying to reconcile. At first, it was good, then kind of rocky as we worried about why we were doing it and whether it would work out for the best. This past weekend has been great though. I decided to quit pushing for the "perfect" spouse and marriage, and to quit putting my romantic expectations on the relationship. My husband is who is, and he won't change his core being...to become Mr. Romantic on a daily basis or to bare his soul all the time. I had to sit back and decide what I really wanted and what I would do to get there, and what I would/would not accept from my partner.

Anyway, this weekend has been very good. I can't say fireworks and endless promises. But, it just felt right. We are rebuilding our relationship and trying to trust and quit speaking in anger. We were in a terrible rut, and separating for two months seems to have actually helped. My husband has been attentive, helpful, and romantic in his own way. Hugging me, telling me how much he loves me, helping with chores, listening, talking more, and being affectionate. I just hope it's not the honeymoon period! But, I think we're both committed to making a good relationship, and letting the past go. We've talked about short-term goals as well as things we'd like to do many years down the road, including house improvements and vacations, etc.

I do hope I can stay realistic. I know my husband will never be the neat freak that I am, nor will he always share his deepest secrets. But, even when we were separated, he was there for me. To give me a hug, to help with the kids, and to soothe me when I was in a wreck. Although we always loved each other, unfortunately we let our pride and anger get in the way.

Cross your fingers for us. I want this to work for all of us and will do my best (without sacrificing myself again). Jo

p.s. I would say that more than half of divorcing women try to reconcile one last time. For themselves and for their children. You're right though...it is scary to be alone! My advice to women is to learn how to take care of yourselves right from the start. I never did that. What an eye opener!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 11:36am
And no matter what the outcome, you now know you can and will survive. Sometimes, a trial separation really puts things into perspective for both parties. It sounds like you're aware of the possible pitfalls (ie - the honeymoon period) and are grounded in reality. Good luck, and keep us posted on your progress.




Follow me to my partner in the siggy exchange...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 10:13pm

Interesting article.


For me... once I decided to divorce, nothing could've made me think about reconciling.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~