sick to my stomach, what to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
sick to my stomach, what to do?
1
Sun, 10-14-2007 - 7:03pm
my husband and I are coming up on our 3rd anniversary at the end of this month, and we have a 13mth old daughter. we bought our first home in January of this year. things have been bad for the past 3 months or so - long story short, my husband is controlling and has a terrible temper and what i can only call "tantrums" at least once a day, where he gets angry but refuses to speak to me, and will just storm around the house slamming doors and throwing things. we have been in therapy for this before the baby was born and have just started seeing a new therapist a few weeks ago. he refuses to change his behavior, and i refuse to have my daughter raised in this kind of environment. the problem is, i have no $$, have been a housewife for the last 18 months, and at the moment only work part time. his salary pays the mortgage. i have nowhere to go with my daughter if i wanted to leave. i want to leave this emotionally abusive situation before my daughter is old enough to remember it or be affected by it, because i was raised with a father like this and it's scary - but until i find a full-time job and an apartment i don't know if i should even tell him i want out. i'm not afraid of him becoming physically abusive, i don't believe he would do that and i think if he had that in him i would have seen it happen already. the tension in this house is just making me ill and i know it will get worse before i have a chance to make it better. my family is telling me i should just stick it out and see if therapy helps - but he's making zero effort to alter his behavior. any suggestions?
Avatar for profu02
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2003
Mon, 10-15-2007 - 9:18am
I can totally relate to your situation. I got married 3 1/2 years ago and was pregnant. I was going to leave him when I found out I was pregnant. My husband was very controlling and he did that by intimidating me with anger and the silent treatment you described. It didn't matter what I did nothing made him happy. I was very scared to say my feelings. I hate confrontations and I just took all of the mental abuse until I couldn't take it any more. I told him I was leaving and he begged me to stay. I was weak and said I would try therapy. Things have gotten better because I truly believe he wants to change. He isn't angry every day or as intimidating.