Sick of the threats.
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| Fri, 01-13-2006 - 12:54pm |
Am I the only one going through this? At least once during my weekly fight with the ex he throws out his threats. Anything from fighting me for primary custody to re-doing our child support agreement so that he doesn't pay as much or anything at all. Last night I was telling him that I am having such a hard time financially and he said "Well i'm not- maybe Angelina is better off being with the parent who can afford to pay their bills".
Then he throws out that he is paying me this *huge amount* for child support and he doesn't know what I do with it all. OK, his child support covers like 60% of daycare- I PAY FOR EVERYTHING ELSE. That's not the point...but I am SO FREAKIN SICK OF HIS THREATS. He will seriously tell me to "expect a letter from his lawyer" if we get into the smallest argument. And he keeps telling me that he has SO MUCH dirt on me, that I'd lose custody instantly, that he has pictures of things, testimony from my friends, etc. I don't know what he has but i'm not worried...can't be that big of a deal because I haven't done anything bad enough to lose custody of my daughter! Somehow men think that you having a drink with your friend on the weekend, on a night when your child wasn't even with you warrants losing custody. Idiots.
I know he wants to scare me, and he wants to have control....and honestly it does scare me even though I know there is NO WAY he would win these threats. For a mother to lose custody, she'd have to be a crack-smoking, alcoholic, abusive wife.
Any experience with these power-control threats?
Thanks!
Lainie

No...cause I don't talk to him.
Peace,
Di
***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***
My suggestion is to just ignore the threats
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Hey Lainie...
My xh threatened me a couple of times, but not nearly as often as I've heard about your stbx doing the same to you... my advice, though hard to do, is to rise above and not allow yourself to get into these sorts of conversations... limit your conversations to issues regarding your daughter, and financial issues that are still joint between you and your stbx (don't discuss your personal finances with him... he doesn't have a right to know and hearing that it is a weak spot is giving him power)... so, if you're on the phone, advise him you're hanging up now and DO IT... if you're speaking in public end the conversation... you may want to consider drop offs at a public place to avoid the potential discussions in private that could turn into one of these struggles...
You can do it... bite your tongue and take the high road...
Julie
This is interesting, my STBX used to be threatening and manipulative. I just realized that counseling helped that a lot, but also me discovering his A took the wind out of his sails and he is a lot more civil to me now.
I have to agree with the others. Simply cancel the weekly fight. It took me some time to develop armor to refuse to argue with him about whatever it was he was trying to provoke me with. I walked away, refused to speak, changed the subject, etc.
Dr. Phil says the opposite of love isn't hate, it is indifference. I think my stbx knew our marriage was doomed when I stopped hating him.
Susie
Ladies, this is all VERY good advice. I have been letting my STBX scare and intimidate me, too. He scared me into thinking he'll create an unreasonable custody arrangement, that he'll pay child support late or not at all, that he'll drag his feet on the divorce forever, argue on every point to make the legal fees pile up...etc.
Now, my STBX was never violent, but over the Thanksgiving weekend, he hit me in the face, and it really rattled me (I did have him arrested). Even since then, I find it hard or scary to stand up to him. And belive me, I am not one to back down usually. I just worry that if he did it once, what stops him from doing it again?
I know...I need to take the power away from him thinking he can intimidate and frighten me. I just wish I felt stronger sometimes.