signed, sealed ... served!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2006
signed, sealed ... served!
4
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 12:25am

FINALLY, STBX was served today, according to atty--we managed to "trick" him because he was waaaay avoiding the server for about 3 weeks now! i was soooo freaked about my upcoming court date being pushed back that the stress has cost me about 10 lbs. weight loss.

i'm still soooo very, very anxious/nervous about first court date. i want to just go out and purchase a fierce "court outfit" ... roll up in there looking like Dominique Deveraux from Dynasty, with some floor-length fake fur (so what if it's august in extreme Texas heat), large 70s-ish, dark sunglasses and big hair. then, leave out, passing skank GF (cause i'm SURE she'll be there, STBX will fly her in town JUST for the occasion & bring her because he's evil and cruel like that), slowly lowering my glasses to give her "the look" while really thinking in my mind how i'd like to slap both of them like Linda Evans gave Joan Collins (ok, i'll get back to reality here).

still don't know "court" protocol: can i wear slacks instead of a "suit," which i don't own since i dress like a cross between Carrie from Sex & the City and Lenny Kravitz (hey, i'm an artist/writer ... and do i HAVE to see STBX or even look at him before/during court?? and please gosh, can the judge please make him cut me a check for some child support, puh-leezeee THAT DAY, as he hasn't seen, spoken with (only briefly, um, amout 15 minutes total, and then, to bad-mouth me) to DSs and has NOT contributed financially to their existence since early june.

thanx for allll the support; a minor milestone (the serving of d-papers), but a small ray of hope; yet, still saddened by allll of this divorce stuff, it's so challenging and mindboggling ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 9:13am

I don't know about Texas but I was advised by a couple of attorneys and court people here (nj) to look neat and well groomed --but not too professional or well off. One actually referred to it as the "naive stay at home mom look" -I was not at that time a stay at home mom- One of those long peasant skirts and a t-shirt and sandals, not too much makeup or nails. I was actually told that at one time the reason I did not get the restraining order I went for was that I was wearing a suit and "looked like a professional educated women who should be able to take care of things herself". They said if I had gone in looking like someone "who was not professional and not that bright" I would have done better in court. I think that it is ridiculous and that the court should just be looking at the facts, but obviously they are human and get an impression about someone's needs based on their looks.

My attorney also forewarned me that he would have 10 days from the court order to pay any monies owed - so don't count on checks being cut that day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 10:40am

Well, first let me send you a hug. This is SO hard, I know because I am not that far ahead of you. I served by STBX June 16, we had our first court date 8/7. Unfortunately, I didn't get my first child support/alimony check from him until 8/15. He gets paid bi-weekly so that's how it works in my case. I'll get paid twice a month but it will be two week total checks.

I had to chuckle at you wanting to get a "fierce court outfit", I DID THE SAME THING! I didn't have to buy it but I had this AWESOME dress I had worn to a wedding, which I chose to wear. Definately dress up. STBX showed up in jeans with his shirt tucked in, LOL! So, it was self gratifying that I looked nice.

Court for me was stressful mostly because I had to SEE STBX. He also has an OW, out of state and just seeing him makes me want to throw up. Plus going in front of the judge was weird, they did our last name vs. last name, etc. But overall, it was quick and painless. I survived. And if I can survive, you can. I'm the biggest wimp. But I'm done with the wishy washy nonsense, now I'm on a mission to make him pay! I hope the stupid OW was/is worth it because from where I'm standing, he's going to lose more than his shirt, LOL!

And I took my serving the papers as a HUGE milestone, because many times through our miserable relationship, I said I was going to serve him and NEVER did, so that was a huge step for me. And know, you're going to be fine. Some days are hard for me but things really are looking up, for ME and for my 2 kids.

Please feel free to email me anytime if you need to talk. I wish you the very very best, and please know, you're gonna be fine.

Hugs,
Jennifer

Jennifer

Proud Mom of Travis (15) and Mandi (10)

and our pets, Sully the Dog and Till

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2006
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 4:44pm

Jennifer,

thank you! i have been following your story/posts & know we have similiar "experiences"; i truly appreciate the support. i love that you dressed waaaay up, which i found a perfect outfit today. because as much as i'd like to appear "demure", how, how can i possibly re-enact, if not the Dynasty scenario, Katie's last words to Hubble in "The Way we Were" ... except i'd like to say (in my via spiga shoes and BCBG fierce number) "you're woman's a SKANK, Hubble, and so are you 'Hubble!' (laughing)

my STBX is self-employed, so, i have NO idea with the hiding of alll his money how much i can expect and when, but your account of what you experienced helps greatly! i, too, think the serving of papers is a HUGE milestone for me cause my STBX NEVER thought i would file, in fact, that's why he "challenged" me to file that's the only way he'd pay child support cause he's alwaz thought of me as weak and incompetent. he consistently undervalued, underestimated, and marginalized me, but oohhhh, this divorce will be more than about child support, little does he know. so, i hope he enjoys riding around in all his luxury cars, pulling in $10K a month, spending lavish amounts of money on skank GF, etc., because payback is present & our DSs will get their justice, if they can't have their father physically and emotionally, they will see his presence in dollar signs!

thanx again, and i do look forward to emailing you, and you, too, can email me, anytime ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 08-26-2006 - 10:32am

I am so, so happy that you were finally able to get him served. Remember, you may or may not become emotional on "milestone" days.


PS - Your post was hysterical!