Sister

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2007
Sister
1
Sat, 06-09-2007 - 1:47pm
My sister and brother-in-law had been married for 25 years; great jobs, nice house and cars, pool and hottub, several vacations a year. My husband and I have been married for 18 years. They have two girls 18 and 13. We have a girl and boy 9 and 3. We have been best friends forever. We saw each other at church on Sundays, went to lunch, and saw each other a few evenings during the week. We loved spending time together. In the fall of 2006, out of the blue - no warning, they separated - just because. Within six months my sister had a new man in the house (neither divorced yet) and my brother-in-law discovered partying and dating. My sister also lost her well paying job at our church. My 18 year old neice went from a 4.0+ GPA to barely a B average, and has now decided not to go to college. Needless to say my husband and I are devistated. My sister is mad at us, because she says that we should just accept everything. She says that we are not allowed to feel our own hurt, and that we should only be hurting for her. Meanwhile, I have gained 50 pounds, am on three blood pressure medicines, and cry everytime I see or talk to any of them. Unfortunately, my parents will not talk to her, because this is against everything that we believe in. I want to be there for her, but I really do not like her boyfriend. He honestly does not have anything to give her but himself. He doesn't take care of his own children, he barely has a job or vehicle that runs. She has decided to move 5 states away and has said that she is never coming back. I truly do not know what to do. HELP!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
In reply to: tirc15
Sat, 06-09-2007 - 2:52pm

Oh, I am so not in any position to give advice on this. I have no clue how you could help. Others may, though.

I can send you HUGS and I can say I, too, would be grieving terribly in your situation. It isn't your marriage and that makes you pretty powerless and that is really hard. Clearly, they have not shared the details on why it ended so there really is not any insightful way you could guide them without the facts.

I am so so sorry for their children -- that's the saddest part.

The most important thing to do is rally around their children; make sure they are included in all family events, welcome them, listen to them etc.

That your sister is moving so far away is tragic for her kids.

I am just so so sorry.

Often divorce seems to involve someone(s) who have had some sort of psychological crisis that precipitates what appear to be poor or irrational choices. It is brutal to be touched by these changes, I know.

Ok, lots of words, but not much help.

M