Sister getting divorce-Shut out family
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Sister getting divorce-Shut out family
| Thu, 09-28-2006 - 1:10pm |
My sister is getting a divorce and our family is devastated for her. She is a wreck and so unhappy about the situation obviously. A little background about my sister. She is does not have the best self esteem, always talks down about herself, etc. This could not have happened to anyone worse. This is just making her self image go down the drain. So her self pity is on level 10. It's been 6 mths since her husband left her with no explanation. She has been going to counseling and etc., etc. Last week she received a letter from her husband's attorney threating alot of stuff. Needless to say she was upset. As her sister I thought I could help her with the fight against him. I tried to say I will go with you to get an attorney, help you file the papers etc. She didn't want any of it. Now she is really mad, not sure if this is the angry phase or what but she has totally shut her entire family out. She wrote me a nasty email stating that she doesn't want us sharing her business with other family memebers, friends, etc. That she won't be discussing her private life with any of us anymore. My sister and I happened to work together and so I see her everyday. She walks around like the world has come to an end. She has a look of disgust everyday. Everytime I try to say anything to her about hanging out with her friends, she snaps back saying why would i want to hangout with my married friends? I don't want to be around them. I'm really at a loss. I've tried to be supportive, helpful, a shoulder to cry on. But it seems like everything I do, she says is not helpful. She has totally shut my parents out, she won't really talk to me anymore and she never talks to my brother. I want to know what I can do to help her without her getting upset with me. Her anger is directed toward the people who love her when it should be directed toward her soon to be ex-husband. I know this issue really isn't about me but and I know she is going through a difficult time but it just seems crazy to me that she would shut her family out when all we are trying to do is make her feel better. Any advice or help would be greatful.

Hugs, Brenda
Thanks for the advice. This was exactly what I needed is someone who is/has gone through what my sister is going through telling me exactly how she is feeling, because she won't tell me. I feel so awful for her and want to help in any way. Thanks again. What you said was perfect! Good luck to you.
Anne ;o)
i agree with brenda. when i was going thru my divorce, i also sent a letter to my siblings and father - i think they may have thought it was nasty - but to me it was very very important because it turned out that some of my relatives were talking to my then-STBX and i had to protect myself and my son. i don't know what was behind your sister's letter, but she may be feeling that she needs to protect herself. there may be issues between your sister and your parents which is why she is shutting them out (e.g., are they opposed to the divorce?)
in short - give her her space. tell her you are there for her. ask her to TELL you what she needs. if she has kids - offer to take them off her hands IF SHE WANTS. let her be, don't get upset at her right now - this period is very difficult and hopefully she will come around in a few months.
Thanks for the advice. It really helps that I can get some feedback from people who have gone through it. I know she isn't trying to shut us out on purpose it's a defense mechanism for sure.
Thanks!
Brenda had GREAT insight! You must be a wonderful sister for caring so much and being so supportive.
One last tip....just because she's being nasty and awful, she still wants your support. Continue to be there for her...just let her guide you to what she needs.
Cook her something you know she loved as younger and give her that in her lunch box one day and give her a hug, cause right now she needs your