sleazy divorce client

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
sleazy divorce client
19
Wed, 09-19-2012 - 4:10pm

I have this divorce client right now (not my choice--my boss knew him) and I just can't wait until his divorce is over.  It really shouldn't be that complicated--they own one house and have some retirement accounts, but it's not like they are millionaires--they just like fighting, I guess.  So first of all the guy calls me to tell me that his wife was in a bad car accident last week and his questoin is that if she gets a settlement from the accident, can he get part of it?  Nice that he's so concerned with her welfare.  So I mentioned that it would be hard for him to have his own claim for "loss of consortium" which is the loss of the companionship, society & usually sex of the spouse since they have been living apart for months and already filed for divorce and his answer was 'but we are still having sex." That one just amazed me.  I can kind of see that some people who are having an amicable divorce might still have sex sometimes if neither one of them found someone else since they are familiar, but I don't get how people who are at each other's throats arguing about money & who is going to take care of the kids, etc. can still want to have sex.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Wed, 09-19-2012 - 4:37pm

Wow, Music...that's quite the story, but I bet in your line of work, you've seen ALL kinds!  I agree with you...I do NOT and WILL not ever understand people who still have sex when they are going through a divorce (unless it's amicable, like you said).  Once the ex said, "I want a divorce." THAT door SHUT.  I can imagine though in your job, you've heard it all. 

It's amazing to me how horrible people can be to one another during a divorce when once they loved each other so much. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Wed, 09-19-2012 - 4:49pm
Guess that just goes to show you that for some people sex is sex and has nothing to do with love. They can compartmentalize the 2 into little boxes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2007
Wed, 09-19-2012 - 7:37pm

Different strokes for different folks.  I'm just glad it isn't me.

Nothing has any meaning save the meaning I give it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2000
Fri, 09-21-2012 - 8:27pm
Sorry, sex IS just sex for me, but I can't imagine having sex with my ex, nor do I want to! Just YUCK!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sat, 09-22-2012 - 3:04am
Now get those repulsive thoughts right out of your mind now miss mcpayton ; )
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2008
Tue, 09-25-2012 - 5:31pm

Music I imagine that at times you have clients that aren´t easy to help.  Much like I have students that you want to strangle at the end of the day or maybe their parents.  As far as the fighting and still being in a sexual relationship I can say if I had said to my EX let have sex he would have been ready in a minute.  Since we hadn´t had sex in the two years prior to the start of the divorce I would not of wanted any part of him after all the nastiness really came out.  You never know it could be that this has always been part of their relationship.  Fight like cats and dogs and never agree but still have sex. 

The other thought that occured to me while reading this was that the stbxwife is not ready to move on or her self esteem is so low that she finds comfort in having sex with him thinking it will give her comfort.  I know for a fact that it doesn´t but it take time to figure that out on your own. 

One of the things for me that was the hardest to seperate was moving out of my bed.  HE filed for divorce, did everything he could to make life miserable for over 6 months until he moved back to the US and after of course, but I couldn´t leave my bed.  My friends didn´t understand.  How could I still sleep in the same bed as my enemy.  Several factors were playing in my head at the time 1) I was waiting for him to move out as I felt it was my room more than his and 2) after living with someone for 23 years it becomes a habit to go to bed with a wolf in sheeps clothing.  After 3 months of all his garbage and game playing in our divorce process I left for the spare room.  Actually I was sleeping long hours on the sofa and now regret it as my neck is destroyed.

 

Emom13

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 09-25-2012 - 9:16pm

I have to say that this is a very strange relationship.  The guy told me that his DW has had affairs including supposedly w/ his best friend, yet he stayed w/ her.  She's the one who filed for the divorce--he did agree to move out of the house, but was trying to get her back.  He told my boss guy type stuff about how sexy she was so when I finally met her, I thought well, she's attractive in a way & fit but really kind of average, not a model type.  I don't know what her issue is with why she'd be having sex w/ him when supposedly she has other men (or another man)--my boss thinks it's to manipulate the guy.  I actually wonder if she had a physical affair--I could see it as more of an EA since the guy seems like he wouldn't really be the type to be that sensitive emotionally.  Like he felt his job was to work & bring home money & he was responsible in that way but he's not that bright--luckily he has 2 smart sisters who I talk to about the finances.  But he definitely still has a lot of anger mixed in there.

I have to say that most of my clients are Chinese (since my boss is Chinese) and 90% of the time, they don't fight--they come in with everything decided.  There must be some kind of cultural thing going on there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 09-25-2012 - 9:17pm

Oh the other thing I was going to say is that my 2nd ex & I slept in the same bed together until he moved out too.  At the time my DD was in college so I could have slept in her room but she had a twin bed that wasn't that comfortable so I guess neither one of us wanted to give up the comfort of our room but it was definitely awkward.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2010
Fri, 09-28-2012 - 12:44pm

Wow!!  3 months!  That's amazing!  I lasted only 5 days and made him tell our DD21 (who was 15 at the time), just so I COULD leave our bed.  I didn't want to be anywhere NEAR him and was an emotional wreck anyway.  I moved into my DD25's room next to DD21's, so she and I became "roommates" in a sense.  She was a real comfort and moved into my condo with me 6 months later when the ex FINALLY bought me out and cut me a nice big check.  Until then, we avoided each other like the plague. 

Needless to say, when I moved out, I did NOT take our old bedroom furniture with me. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Fri, 09-28-2012 - 1:04pm

ha ha. I think I might win the prize right now ... I lived with my ex for one half years before the divorce was final . I did have my own room but when he wasnt home I would sneak into his huge bed he bought for himself.. He had a fireplace in our old master bedroom and I would turn it on when it was cold outside.. He didnt know and I didnt care if he knew.. He was rarely home.. I never slept with him nor in the same bed when I decided he grossed me out.. but I did take advantage of his huge bed and huge flat screen tv.. and fireplace.. I know Dr.Phil would wipe the floor with me but hey It was very comfortable and emotionally it bothered me at times.. Yes; I was also a mess so I figured might as well be a comfortable mess. (lol)

I hadnt had sex with  my ex since 2005 when I moved out of the marital home. I moved back in two years later to get divorced. He was already with a new gfriend and I heard he had been with others so I wasnt touching him with a ten foot pole ..that nut..

 

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