sleeping at ex wife's house

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2006
sleeping at ex wife's house
5
Sat, 12-30-2006 - 11:34pm

I am just wondering if anyone has any insite to this situation. My boyfriend is divorced with two kids. On his weekends he stays at his ex's house and she goes to her parents. He does this so that the kids lives are not disrupted- however she always finds an excuse to come over and involve herself in his parenting time. Often ending up in him leaving in anger and she getting the kids for the rest of the weekend.

Is there a way to make this situation work?

Recently his son asked him to sleep over while his mom was there. My gut says this is very misleading to his son who is not very accepting of his parent's divorce. He is 11. What is your opinion- does this send the wrong message to his son to stay at the house with mom there- even if they aren't sleeping in the same bed? Is it important to have clearer boundaries- especially for his son.

I think I know the answer, but I just wanted some opinions- this man is a great father. but I fear that his desire to put his son's needs first is only hurting his little boy by giving him some false hope.

Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 12:20am

I don't think it's a good idea for his weekends to be spent sleeping over if the ex is there. But what I really think is important is that you stay out of it. I do not mean this is a rude way, but let him handle it. When there is an emotionally charged situation like with divorce, the last thing needed is a third party getting in the middle of it. Your boyfriend needs to decide when/if he's had enough and the setup isn't working anymore. Be supportive of him, but let him figure it out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 3:10am
Hi I am half Norwegian! I have been spelling it wrong I think lol
anyway I can give you my opinion if it were me and my boyfriend. I would not allow him to sleep at his ex's house. He should bring the kids home for the weekend like he is spose to. I dont see how what they are doing is going to disrupt their lives any less than the other way around. maybe even more so. It may send the message that mom and dad could get back together and put false hopes in the kids minds Plus they may not be getting along the greatest when she is there with him. it may just be causing stress. The kids need to see both parents in their own environment and see them happy ..... Just My Opinion!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-16-2004
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 4:38am

He should talk to his ex about

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2006
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 10:44am

I'd be reluctant to get involved with this guy.

Susan

"Success is building a foundation wit

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2006
Sun, 12-31-2006 - 11:05am

Thank you everyone. I am also divorced and have three kids of my own, so I understand how hard it is to watch your kids go thru this.

While I have never and will never tell him what to do, he values my opinion and realizes that I am part of this equation too- so he asks me what I think. I am really worried that his attempt to be there for his son is confusing this boy. And his ex wife as well. I think it is very important to give your kids a healthy independent set of parents that can love them but not live together. My ex is horrible- we do not communicate at all. I think my bf does not want his situation to end up that way but has taken it to the other end of the spectrum.

I will continue to support him in whatever attempts he makes to be the best father he can- quite frankly there aren't many out there like him.

Thanks for all of your input