So glad this day is over.......
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So glad this day is over.......
| Thu, 11-23-2006 - 9:42pm |
Im so glad this day is over. It did not even feel like thanksgiving. STBX left the house a couple months ago and the boys had asked him to come to thanksgiving. He told them yes he would be there without talking to me about it. I did have a few weeks to think about this and stew, worry and have heartburn however. If i said no, i would be the bad guy to my boys. I woke up so sad, because normally this is a good day, not great during the marriage mind you, but decent. STBX shows up with a chip on his shoulder, being very cold and borderline rude. Youngest son was sick with the tummy flu today, and I could tell I was coming down with it as well, starting to feel yucky. But still had to push through and just get this overwith. He left after dinner, taking the boys for a couple days, and then calls me from the road so I was sure to know what a horrible thanksgiving it was, that hes never had a worse one and this can never happen again, blah blah blah. Yeah buddy. I get that. So we are talking already about how to split christmas, since I dont think I can take another holiday like this. I had already given up the idea of a nice holiday due to the nature of our lives right now, but had a (according to him, naive and idealistic) idea that we could just try to relax and be civil for the kids sake. hmmmm. well there was civil at least. So like i said, being the first set of holidays, I have resigned to having them be stinky. I just kept telling myself that next year will be better. It has to be. Maybe christmas will be better too if we split the day and dont have to spend time together. I am so exausted tonight. Not from the holiday prep, but from the relief of it being over. Now to just get thru the christmas season with holiday cheer everywhere you turn...oh yippee.... This year will be financially hard with the split so recently, and thats always a bummer. I try to not blame myself, i mean i could have waited till after the first to ask for a divorce. Or maybe I couldnt have. I was really really miserable. But the kids having a much smaller christmas than normal makes me sick with guilt. Boy this is a rambler..there should be an emoticon for "Its a rambler!!!"....well, on the advice of my long time friend and recently turned long distance sweetheart, Im going to go take a hot shower and then have more pie, curl up on the couch and watch greys anatomy and e.r....they look like good ones. Hope everyone out there had as good of a holiday as possible.

Awww Sweetie!!
That is exactly how I felt last year at this time until a good friend of mine booted my butt to realize that I had wanted out for so long because I was miserable. He made me miserable and now he is gone. I should have been happy!! She was so right! So I changed my half empty glass to half full and live my life to the fullest everyday! I don't have a lot of money, no but I have more happiness, confidence and spend more time with my kids and that is what they want. Presents are presents, but good, happy times with my kids are priceless!!
Be happy with the decision you made, decide it's time for you to be happy and RUN with it!! You deserve it! Don't let him try to bring you down, take that power away from him!!
Hugs!
Amie