So glad this day is over.......

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
So glad this day is over.......
4
Thu, 11-23-2006 - 9:42pm
Im so glad this day is over. It did not even feel like thanksgiving. STBX left the house a couple months ago and the boys had asked him to come to thanksgiving. He told them yes he would be there without talking to me about it. I did have a few weeks to think about this and stew, worry and have heartburn however. If i said no, i would be the bad guy to my boys. I woke up so sad, because normally this is a good day, not great during the marriage mind you, but decent. STBX shows up with a chip on his shoulder, being very cold and borderline rude. Youngest son was sick with the tummy flu today, and I could tell I was coming down with it as well, starting to feel yucky. But still had to push through and just get this overwith. He left after dinner, taking the boys for a couple days, and then calls me from the road so I was sure to know what a horrible thanksgiving it was, that hes never had a worse one and this can never happen again, blah blah blah. Yeah buddy. I get that. So we are talking already about how to split christmas, since I dont think I can take another holiday like this. I had already given up the idea of a nice holiday due to the nature of our lives right now, but had a (according to him, naive and idealistic) idea that we could just try to relax and be civil for the kids sake. hmmmm. well there was civil at least. So like i said, being the first set of holidays, I have resigned to having them be stinky. I just kept telling myself that next year will be better. It has to be. Maybe christmas will be better too if we split the day and dont have to spend time together. I am so exausted tonight. Not from the holiday prep, but from the relief of it being over. Now to just get thru the christmas season with holiday cheer everywhere you turn...oh yippee.... This year will be financially hard with the split so recently, and thats always a bummer. I try to not blame myself, i mean i could have waited till after the first to ask for a divorce. Or maybe I couldnt have. I was really really miserable. But the kids having a much smaller christmas than normal makes me sick with guilt. Boy this is a rambler..there should be an emoticon for "Its a rambler!!!"....well, on the advice of my long time friend and recently turned long distance sweetheart, Im going to go take a hot shower and then have more pie, curl up on the couch and watch greys anatomy and e.r....they look like good ones. Hope everyone out there had as good of a holiday as possible.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2006
Fri, 11-24-2006 - 9:11am

Awww Sweetie!!
That is exactly how I felt last year at this time until a good friend of mine booted my butt to realize that I had wanted out for so long because I was miserable. He made me miserable and now he is gone. I should have been happy!! She was so right! So I changed my half empty glass to half full and live my life to the fullest everyday! I don't have a lot of money, no but I have more happiness, confidence and spend more time with my kids and that is what they want. Presents are presents, but good, happy times with my kids are priceless!!
Be happy with the decision you made, decide it's time for you to be happy and RUN with it!! You deserve it! Don't let him try to bring you down, take that power away from him!!

Hugs!
Amie

Amie Choiniere Office Manager~Mom~Domestic Goddess~Student~Wine Lover~Girlfriend~Gardener~Decorator~Vinyl Wall Lettering Queen!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2004
Sat, 11-25-2006 - 8:43pm
I have read your post - and I guess that it may have made me feel a little better -my husband walked out on me and our two children in September...never coming back...no phone calls, no money, etc. I have had to file for divorce by publication due to him not being around - and right after it shows up in the paper he is in town with a 22 year old street walker from Phoenix, Arizona. Now we have been married for 21 years - this girl is only 4 years older than our daughter.I have had a terrible holiday thinking how much better it would have been if he would have at least stopped by to say hello. I'm not even sure if he remembers that I have filed for divorce - even though I have told him and so have other people. In the back of my mind I guess I have been holding out hope that he would dump the girl (he swears theres no relationship there...yeah like I was born yesterday) and come back home. I was still going to go through with the divorce - because he has so completely screwed himself up moneywise (me too, because he hasn't give me any). I have been putting the Christmas tree up today - this was the 1st time EVER without him being here. I haven't even been able to finish it. It is so sad --- and my children will have their smallest Christmas ever - if they get to have one at all...but at least they know that I love them and I'm here for them no matter what. There are alot of men that walk out on their wife but now that many that walk away from a 13 year old and a 17 year old - and come to find out he is living 18 miles away and comes by our house everyday....he is having no contact with his family either. He just started a new truck driving job last week - but basically he has lost everything (and stupid me was actually willing - against everyones advice to give it all back to him - and he doesnt want it) anyway he has no home, no family, no vehicle, no children, no Thanksgiving dinner with the family, he has missed our daughters entire senior year of cheerleading - wasn't even there to walk out on the field with me and her. How can he give up EVERYTHING? They are staying in a trailer with no furniture - as far as I know they have repossessed his vehicle....he is his worst on enemy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 1:17am
I hope you dont mind me asking...but did he get involoved with drugs?? It sounds an awful lot like an older friend of mine whos husband did the same thing...just one day up and walked out, after 24yrs...left an email for her. Come to find out,he had started dabbling in drugs and drinking more, gambling..etc..he met up with a woman that would support his lifestyle and just left. They were, financially, on top of the world. My friend has gone from drinking vintage wine from Waterford Crystal, to foodstamps. He destroyed himself and took her with him. I feel so badly for you. And I know the pain you feel of knowing you can only provide the smallest of Christmass' for you children. Im facing that this year, and it really hurts. But your right, your kids will see that you love them and are there for them. And, (from what everyones told me) it will be better next year. I try to keep that in mind. Not a ton of solice, but a little tiny something. Good luck to you and my thoughts will be with you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2004
Mon, 11-27-2006 - 5:49am
I don't mind your asking at all - yes he has been involved with drugs most of the 25 years that I have known him...after we were first married - well 4 years after -he went in a drug rehab for cocaine addiction for 28 days. About 7 or 8 years ago he was arrested for possession of crack cocaine - when he got out of jail he went into detox for a week. I'm 99.99% sure that drugs has been the main cause of all of his jobs that he has had over these 21 years. The job he startedthe week before Thanksgiving is his 7th this year. Most years he doesn't go through 7 but usually at least 2. He normally drives a truck for individual people that have a few trucks. He always has different reasons why he loses or "quits" a job - usually it was losing it. But this time has been different - he started a job in June - and it was like something changed right away. He started not coming home on weekends - he didn't lie and say he was working - just crazy mess....it started that he wouldn't be home until late Saturday afternoon - then late Saturday night - then late Sunday and then he just quit coming home all together..the weekend of September 25th - he never even came by - he called and said he was in town that Monday morning - and I met him and he gave me some money - and that was the last penny we got from him. It was so odd though - it was like he was turning his cell phone off personal and work from Friday evening until Monday. I have looked back at phone records and he denies this - but it is true - either that or he wouldn't answer. We finally filed a missing persons report on him at the sheriff's dept the beginning of October - he called the sheriff's dept after he "found" out and said he wasn't missing he was just gone. He came by the house the night of October 8th and picked up his personal vehicle - I "begged him to stay" - I mean literally - it was one of the most humiliating experiences of my life. He should have just picked his truck up while we were gone. I cried and cried - I told him if he left that he would be gone for good - he kept telling me to give him 2 weeks - I said you have been gone for over 3 already. Anyway after about an hour - my son had went outside and then went over to my parents house - him and my daughter came back over - they started crying - then all 4 of us was crying - my daughter was telling him that it was her senior year in high school and that he had already missed 6 of her ballgames that she cheered at. My son never said much of anything he just hugged him and cried - my daughter said we had a trip planned for Thanksgiving - he said yes I know (which meant he had listened to voice mail - but didn't respond) and then he told her we are still going to go - I will be here for the ball game Friday night and will be here to go to the fair with you on Sunday - he had them pick up my wedding rings that I had thrown across the room before they got there - and they watched him put the rings back on my finger - he said I'm going to get my things and I'll be back tomorrow - he said now I dont' know what time - and since I no longer have a cell phone I can't call you back- but I'll be here - I told him to put the hourse keys back on his key ring - so he could get in. He never returned. He had all 3 of us convinced. I don't know if he got involved in some kind of new drug or what - but it is almost like he has some kind of brain damage....he never showed back up in our town UNTIL Senior night at the ball game - and then he showed up at a local car lot with a woman - a friend of mine saw him right before the ballgame on a payphone and she stopped and talked to him...she said who is the woman you are with - he said she's no woman she is a youngen. He told her she wasn't but 22 and she was from Phonix Arizona. Anyway after that night he kept showing up in town over and over with that girl...it made no sense - we thought they were in another state before this started. She called my cell phone (so she had to get my cell number from my husband or from the truck driver that drove her across the country) anyway she made all of these threatening remarks - I had the police out here and they said she is about 22 and high on drugs (don't know how they could tell) we had the cell phone number changed and our house number changed. Then I found out he was living 18 miles away riding by our house everyday - it is on the same road...when I finally talked to him the 1st time - I asked him why did he have to keep coming to Eastman with her that everyone was seeing them and that he had two teenage children - and that he was causing them so much embarrasment. I told him that there was payphones in the town he was living in. Several people talked to him and they said all he would tell them was how much he loved me and how much of a mistake he had made. He came by one morning at 2:00 a.m. and started ringing the doorbell - we had no idea who it was - so my daddy came over - he said he talked to him for about 20 minutes that he was alone and kept saying how much he loved me and wanted to come home....he even had my daddy convinced - he told him to come back during the day time if he wanted to talk to me. He never came back. I ate Thanksgiving dinner with his family the Sunday before Thanksgiving - and then that Thursday (the one before Thanksgiving) he stopped by and we talked outside - he said he had gotten a job that he loved me so much and that he was going to start sending us money. He said he was so miserable and unhappy. Swore he wasn't on drugs - he passed the drug test - so I guess for a little while he wasn't. I just KNEW that he would take that girl on the road with him...but guess what - he didn't - now does that make sense - to leave a 22 year old girl in one of the smallest towns in Georgia and she is from across the country - doesn't know a soul - at least I don't guess here. And then when he didn't show up any over Thanksgiving....I just don't know --- and he was always so close to our children especially our son...I just can't see how he rides by and sees him playing in the yard - and even lives with himself. I talked to his mama last night (she hasn't heard from him either) but she said that Saturday he went by his nieces house and then to his sisters - but didn't mention me or the children....I'm going to call his neice this morning and see what all he said - his sister didn't even call and tell me he had come by and I have called and told them everything. I didn't sleep well last night..I dreamed about him all night. I told him the night he stopped by that I would have never left him (and I've had a thousand reasons too - and that he had shocked the hell out of everyone by leaving me). It's really strange that the only three times he has been by the house since he left us was at night - he has only talked to our children the one time and that was October 8th. Not many men walk out and don't even try and talk to their children. One of his truck driving friends told me he is a pathological liar...and he is - he always has been. I guess I have just always tried to take care of him...and now that he is gone - instead of feeling glad - I feel so very sad. I'm worried about him not having insurance - of course I'm sure he isn't worried about it. Like I said it makes no sense that he is living with some girl that he claims "he is having no relationship with" and telling everyone how much he loves me. I really think he is either involved with something he can't get out of, he has really got some kind of brain damage or he is on or has been on one of the newer drugs that his body and mind just can't handle. I know this is long..but when I started typing I just couldn't quit.