So Here I Am...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2005
So Here I Am...
3
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 12:35pm

I thought I would introduce myself since I have been lurking over the last week. Last week while my husband was out I found something he had written to me about being unhappy and not wanting to be together anymore. I confronted him on it and he admitted he didn't think it was best to be together anymore because "he can't love me like I need to be loved". Whatever the hell that means. Things have been really bad for the last while, but somewhow I thought we would work through it. Since he has left I have had an outpouring of support from everyone we know. Everyone has told me that they think it was the best thing that has ever happened to me and he treated me so poorly. It was a real shock to hear everyone say those things. I know that breaking up is the right thing to do. Our daughter is alomost 4 and will be much better off without the fighting. I beleive I will be a much better person without him. But...it is still so, so hard. I am struggling to come to terms with everything. I have a good job and I can afford to stay in our home without him, actually financially I am better with him gone. But, The emotions are just crazy. I don't miss him, but I miss having someone. I know I will be Ok, but I want this hard part to pass. I have really enjoyed reading everyone's stories and I am so glad to have found here. I will be by a lot in teh next while because I need all the support I can get.

Jenny

Photobucket&n
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 1:23pm
Welcome, even though no one aspires to be part of this club. Since you've been reading posts you probably know what most people will say: put your efforts into yourself and your kids. After you've had time to heal, then think about having someone new in your life. It is very hard to be patient with ones self and take this process of disentangling your life from your husband one step at a time. I know I was very anxious for it to just be over with. Counseling, friends, family, work, hobbies, reading books on divorce recovery, journaling- all these things are helpful. On this board people are in various stages of the process, but we all know what you are feeling for we have all been there. Remember, even if someone gives you advice you'd rather not hear, their intentions are to be supportive.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-15-2005
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 3:54pm

thanks queenbun...I appreciate your advise.

Jenny

Photobucket&n
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2006
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 9:02pm
I am going through the same thing you are. Three weeks ago my husband decided he hasn't been happy for a long time and feels we need to be divorced. I have tried and tried to get him to go to counseling or to talk about it but talking about things has been a problem in our relationship.
I understand about it hurting so very much. We are getting a divorce and I know that at some point I will be better but right now it is so terrible. I go from wanting him gone to wanting him back even after he has hurt me so much. He is giving me everything and finacially I can do it but won't be able to do anything else.
What hurts the most I think is that he can just throw away 7 years whihc most of them were good I felt.
I am going to be a 31 year old divorced women who thought whe was always going to be married to the man she fell in love with. I just don't know how to fall our of love with him. I know if I keep some of the anger it might be easier but I don't think I can move on with all of this anger inside of me.
Good luck and as women we know we will get better.