so much for my happy ending...
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so much for my happy ending...
| Thu, 12-01-2005 - 12:20pm |
I was with my husband for 5 years before we got married. He was the best thing to happen to me. We've been together almost 7 years, and share 3 beautiful children, ages 4, 3, and 11 months. We were a very close couple, best friends. Our relationship wasnt perfect, but I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, even if we had differences. Well about a year and half ago he got into the music business. He became an independent artist and would sell his cd at venues where there were a lot of people. We both quit our jobs, and I stayed home with the kids. He did well enough to support us. But he slowly changed into a different person. The man I fell in love with, was turning into a man I couldnt be with. But because we got together young, and he was my first love, first relationship, I couldnt NOT be with him. (If that makes any sense) Now Im having THE hardest time dealing with the sudden change of going through a divorce. Now I'm scared I'll never love again. I'm scared to be alone. Can anyone relate or offer me some good advice?

I can relate a little. My STBX is my first love and relationship as well. We dated for three years and were married for nine. Our children are 7 and 19 months. I am having a hard time adjusting to some things as well. I do not miss the stranger I was living with for the past few years as he slowly shut me out of his life, but I still miss what we had nearly a decade ago.
I'm not scared that I'll never love again. I'm scared that I'll love again too soon and for the wrong reasons. I don't want a relationship anytime soon, but I am craving attention from the opposite sex. In my case, I don't think it's so much because I'm lonely, but because I'm craving the self esteem boost.
As the mother of three young children I imagine that it has been at least five years since you have really done anything for yourself. That's where I would start. Use some of your new found alone time to discover/rediscover what makes you happy now that you're not so busy trying to make your STBX happy. If you are caring for your kids by yourself full-time, don't feel guilty asking a friend or family member to help once in a while.
You are SO YOUNG! You WILL love again. However, you don't want to attract a man who enjoys being with a woman who is scared to be alone. You want to eventually fall in love with someone who loves being with you when you are happy, right? Are you still a SAHM or have you returned to your other career?
WOW... i can relate... my XH and i started dating in 1988 when we were 17... we married in 1994... and our divorce was final on June 17, 2005! (no kids) ... I truly thought we were solid, best friends and partners in every sense of the word... people envied us, were amazed we'd been high school sweethearts... but at the end of last year, two days before the New Year, he tells me he's not in love with me anymore... we talked for hours.... and the next day he said he didn't want to throw it all away without trying... well... by February 1 i had moved into my own apartment... and 28 days after that, while i was thinking we were going to try and save our relationship, he tells me that he did some "soul searching" and concluded that there was "just nothing left in his heart that made him want to try" and that he wanted "to go out on a date"... how devastating that was for me... i found out over the course of the spring and summer that he was bringing a "friend" to our house (she works for him!!) for overnight stays AND introducing her to dear friends and neighbors of ours....
time has somewhat helped me put things into perspective... but i still cry about it...it all feels wrong to me... all the losses that have been endured and the pain that has been ever present for the last 11 months.... i won't talk to him anymore and the loss of my best friend hurts more then anything.... but i know that i cannot make him change his mind...
i am hoping that i can make it through the holiday's without ending up in the looney bin... and that i can start the new year fresh... and eventually get rid of all the pain, frustration, and yes... the hope i still have... so that i can allow someone else into my heart...
"How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on... when in your heart... you begin to understand... there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep... that have taken hold." - Frodo Baggins, LOTR - Return of the King.
{{hugs}} hang in there...