this is so sad

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
this is so sad
6
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 1:08pm

after my abusive controlling obsessive possessive jerk of a stbx told me that he would not keep the kids anymore overnight (even on his weekend )in order to keep me from going out ..(and when I told him that I would go out anyway and get a sitter if I wanted too ,he said :I dare you I will knock you G.D. head off you F ing B*tch "..anyway he has been seeing them on Sunday....and sometimes on saturday

Well ....he didnt see them yesterday (after he PROMISED them he would )my son (who is 7) called his cell all night trying to get him ...he was really upset bc his daddy turned his phone off ...saying "ny daddy doesnt love me " of course I made excuses for him "hes sick ,lost his cell phone "etc...

today....he still wont answer...but he sent texts and told me to come see him ....I told him NO WAY IM COMING ..I WILL drop the kids off then Iwill leave ....he kept trying to convince me to come too...when I said no again ...he hung up and now

basically he cares about seeing me ,and controlling me more than he does the kids ...and that kills me ...
I want to file for divorce and tell everything that he has done to me ..but he says if I go to court and tell that he was abusive etc ..that he will tell them I am on drugs ,and a CHILD MOLESTER!!!!!!!!! (sickening)

I dont know what to do .

Even though he tells me its not my fault... I cant help but feel it is in some way ,...he did tell me he needed me to do more, and that he wasnt feeling connected to me because of the distance ...But he really didnt give me a c

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2005
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 2:26pm

I think you posted something similar to this on another board awhile back. He could be lashing out because of the affair. I am confused - you say STBX, but then say you want to file for divorce - has he filed? Perhaps things will get better after the filing and he has had time to calm down.

Sorry to hear about your abusive, controlling, obsessive, jerk of a stbx, although you did say in your other post he was a great dad - don't know how he could have gotten that way.......




Edited 3/26/2006 3:29 pm ET by whatup2005
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2005
Sun, 03-26-2006 - 3:26pm

I say STBX bc that is what I intend to happen ...I could say DH and no I dont mean dear husband ...but thats not nice ...

....Its doesnt matter if I had an affair with the whole town .. I did nothing to deserve to be abused .
abusive men dont lash out ...they want control ..and will manipulate you in order to get it .

he WAS always a great dad..until he started using the kids against me to get what he wants ..I dont call that great anymore.

He had me thinking all kinds of things about him ...maybe he had me fooled about him being a great dad as well..I just dont know .I find out something new everyday that I ahve been blind to before ...

Even though he tells me its not my fault... I cant help but feel it is in some way ,...he did tell me he needed me to do more, and that he wasnt feeling connected to me because of the distance ...But he really didnt give me a c

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Mon, 03-27-2006 - 7:37am

Let me tell you something.... if he goes to court and says that you are on drugs and a child molester, the judge will directly ask him why he allowed his children to stay in your care and not do anything about it if you're such a terrible parent.


Actions speak much louder than words.... and your parenting track record will speak for itself.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2005
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 10:27am
Looks like I was right. Although there may be problems in the marriage - finding out about an affair after being played like a puppet on a string, cannot help but foster resentment and anger, though abuse is contemptible. The children are always the ones that suffer. The right thing to do is get a divorce and then go about your merry way to do what you want.....
Edited 3/31/2006 12:38 pm ET by whatup2005


Edited 3/31/2006 2:45 pm ET by whatup2005
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 11:13am

Hey... I wanted to add... after re-reading.... even if one... or both... of you were unfaithful, that bitterness and parenting... co-parenting... are two different, separate issues.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2004
Sat, 04-01-2006 - 7:24am

(((Hugs)))


Photobucket