this is SO unfair

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
this is SO unfair
5
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 2:56pm

I am separated since 3 years, with a good and friendly relationship with my ex. He now lives with a new gf - my previous au-pair (that part is less pleasant, as there is a clear feeling of my life being stolen by a little bimbo with poor intention, but heck).

I try to be as accomodating as I can re: vacation and time with our DD (9 yrs old). We live on different continents - us in EU, him in the US, and this is all the more reason to make it easier when they get together, as it isn't all that often.
Last year I managed to arrange to go to the US for a month in summer - I worked from there, and they had time to themselves.

Now my ex just explained to DD that this year it will be all the same, they will be in the US and camping or whatever. He cannot plan his days from sunup to sundown - she is now all worked up on the wonderful vacation she is going to have. I have no way to organize anything in the US this summer, no money for the travel plans, no vacation time left (I take off all I can during year school vacation...).

I am going to stand back, and watch him organize, knowing that most likely he will remember last minute. Of course, he does not want to EU as his gf does not want to follow him in our second home (at least some limits... ;D ). But DD will be so disappointed, and I will have to have alternative plans for all, just in case he simply does not show up. HOW? my problem.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 3:05pm
I don't understand. Can't your dd go to the US without you going along too?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 3:11pm
no. she is 9... she could legally go alone, but she is afraid of it, and I do not agree. it would be a connecting flight, with more than 10 hours time alone daytime.
in a few years - sure. not yet.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 04-06-2005 - 3:42pm
Why can't her dad fly there, pick her up, fly back with her and then repeat at the end of the visit.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2003
Thu, 04-07-2005 - 5:56pm
If he does, I am happy and delighted with it. :) I hope you are right, and that is what he plans to do. ....
thanks!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 7:11am
i honestly think that you are taking upon yourself responsibilities and worries that aren't YOURS. If i were you, i would talk to your ex - openly and honestly - and just say that its april and you would like to finalize the summer plans NOW so that YOU can make your plans accordingly. he can't just decide that dd will go to the US and then expect YOU to deal with it. HOW dd will get to the US is HIS business - not YOURS. but you definately have the right to know when he expects her and when she will be returning. let HIM deal with it (and there are plenty of ways to deal with it - even if DD has to change planes - such as sending her as an unaccompanied minor, hiring a college student to fly wither her, etc). let HIM tell dd the plans and let HIM wiggle out of it in the end (if he does). don't take that upon yourself.