So unsure

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2005
So unsure
3
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 10:28pm
Ok, Here's my story. Married for 7 years, one child, been together for 11 years, since high school. I've always been a little chubby but very insecure about it. Long story short, I thought that I couldn't get anyone and no one else would want me. I WAS insecure. Now I am an adult and realize that I am attractive and interesting. I love my husband the way a girl loves a best male friend. He is my best friend but I'm not sure if I wanna be married to him any more. I feel like I am too young(27) to continue a life of unhappiness and uncetainty. He is a good man and a fantastic father. I want a divorce but I don't want to hurt him. Am I being selfish or do I need to do what's best for me. My son is 2. I know it would not be best for him if I leave. I need perspective from someone who has been there. I know it will be very difficult but I just don't want to live a life of regret. I've been to therapy. It was great but now I have no insurance for a little while. Please, any help would be great.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: dandytandy77
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 10:37pm

Most people believe you should work on your marriage if you can. Only you can decide if you can. I was in a similar spot to you, my marriage was not what a marriage should be, we were more friends and we had gone on like that so long that even our friendship was starting to errode because we were both not happy and could not be happy with each other.

You can't leave him IMHO without hurting him. You can't leave without it having some affect on your son. But the effect on all of you might be positive in the long run, if you and your husband can make a committment to remain friends, to co-parent and to put your son's interests first. My dd is way better off than if I had stayed IMHO.

What did your therapist say before you stopped going?

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2005
In reply to: dandytandy77
Tue, 08-09-2005 - 11:01pm
My therapist said that we both needed to fix the problems in our marriage before a decision could be made. We both made the effort. My husband worked hard to fix what he needed to fix and I worked to fix my end. Things are now not bad. I am content. Not happy. My H has obsessive compulsive disorder. He sought treatment and is doing OK. Which in my mind is a GIANT improvement. But now that everything has been fixed I am still not happy being in this marriage. I married too young and for the wrong reasons. Now I am old enough to see what has happened. My therapist was great. She didn't try to lead me, she helped me to come to things on my own. I felt empowered when I left her office. Now I kinda feel lost again. I just don't know how to broach the subject and I'm scared of leaqving my comfort zone and all of the securities. My husband is really an incredible guy. He is just the absolut opposite of me. I am outgoing, he has social anxiety. He literally has ONE friend. He is just afraid of people and social situations and I'm very outgoing and talkative. I am self motivated he is not. He is definately a provider and care taker. I feel so lucky that he is such a great guy, but(the big but) I'm not happy. He thinks everything is hunky dorey but it's just not. He is very needy. He does give me freedom but only because he would rather sit at home with the TV as his companion. I dunno. Still just working things out in my head.......
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
In reply to: dandytandy77
Wed, 08-10-2005 - 7:47am
Well there is certainly no rush. You can take your time and be sure, see if time will help or make it worse. One substitute if you can't afford therapy IMHO is the library, you can find some great resources there to help you figure out how to find happiness on your own or within a marriage, how to make decisions, and just reading about other people who've been where you are can help.

Photobucket