Social life and kids...question??

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2006
Social life and kids...question??
3
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 12:25pm

My STBX and I have been separated for seven months, divorce in process, he left me, and our family for OW (although he has to travel out of state to visit her, LOL).

Anyway, here's my question. I have made an effort to go out with friends. I have not "dated" yet, but do not want STBX to know that. I want him to wonder, everytime I look dressed up when I drop them off, where I might be going, and who with. Often times when he has the kids, I go out with friends. Tonight is a perfect example. I am dropping the kids off at his place on my way "out." The kids will ask where I'm going, and who with. I don't mind telling them, but I know STBX will ask them, and I don't want that info made available to him. I don't want to put them in the middle, so often times I try to avoid it, and just say I'm going out, I'll tell you about it later. Sometimes that works, but more often they want to know more, it's their sense of security of knowing where mom is going. There have been times when I've told them, but also said that it's not information they need to share with dad...but I hate doing that too.

I just want a private life, he certainly has one. They never ask him what he does in his free time. Someday there might be a "date," and I certainly don't want that info shared with STBX. But, at the same time I want to be as honest with my children as I can, and not put them in the middle.

How do you handle having somewhat of a private life, and at the same time easing your children's insecurities about what mom does in her free time?

Thanks,

Tis

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2006
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 1:18pm
I am doing the same thing right now,I just tell my kids I am going out with a friend/friends. Your STBX is still left wondering....he has to know that you would not be sharing that kind of info with the kids anyway. Let him wonder who your "friend" is. The kids don't need more info than that.........I figure when I start dating, I won't be telling the kids anyway. It is better that they are used to seeing me go out with friends so it won't be a big chnage....
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 2:59pm

I'd just say that you're going out with friends, and leave it at that.


I guess, though, there's a fine line between my kids thinking that I'm sitting at home by myself with nothing to do... and that I'm a party queen the second that they leave the house, so... I try to stay pretty low key about what I may be doing when they are with their dad.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2006
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 4:04pm
I think if you say you are going to be with friends, your X will still wonder what the definition of friends is. Try as best you can to rise above making him wonder what you are doing as soon as possible. My own mother, has been divorced from my father for 30 years, is still doing that.