some advice needed..

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
some advice needed..
17
Thu, 12-15-2011 - 12:36pm

I left 4 months back..but I still had my foot on both sides (so to speak). It was because my 15 year old dd was going through depression and having melt downs. So I did not file papers asking for anything. Now I can't afford it anymore..and my stbx has said if I dare to file and ask for equity and such, he will tell my now 15 year old who is still fighting depression and seems suicidal sometimes. Basically anything may push her over edge. While I have been holding on to everything for fear, I know I cannot be in emotional blackmail for ever.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Thu, 12-15-2011 - 12:51pm

Hi Winter;

What would be the problem if you put the house up for sale? I think that would be a good idea.. This way you get half of the equity and can move on..

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Thu, 12-15-2011 - 1:11pm

As I said, I am afraid of DDs mental state. She has flipped out before and has been suicidal. She has had some counseling but nothing has come off it. I was trying more counseling but he has said "she doesn't need it..as long as everything is fine..she is fine.." hello..that is life, everything cannot be fine all the time. So I wanted to hold off on anything aggressive.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Thu, 12-15-2011 - 1:58pm

Hi Winter,

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Thu, 12-15-2011 - 2:09pm

yes, of course it is his DD too..I told him why would you not hold on to this news at least till break or sell the house in spring/summer to ease her. You are right. I realize this is a control tactic. She has been living there due to convinience and I have still been visiting and helping her (that is another story). Mostly to transition. Yes, he is a major jerk and he will not go for any family counseling either. Only way to enforce anything is through legal but with her on edge I am scared.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2008
Thu, 12-15-2011 - 3:00pm
What is he threatening to do exactly? If it were me, I'd sit down and have a loving, safe and honest conversation with your daughter and a qualified therapist to arm your daughter with knowledge. Tell her she is safe, loved and cared for no matter where she lives and what the circumstances. It sounds like your H is using your daughter as a pawn. I'm sorry this is happening but in my own case I found that with my own daughter when I explain things thoroughly to her and she attends counseling, SHE feels empowered.
Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Thu, 12-15-2011 - 4:25pm

She had a negative experience with a therapist when she was younger (the therapist was too direct and it didn't suit my dd's style - she is too private and introverted..) After that whenever I take her to a therapist, she comes back crying and the other 2 I tried, the visits didnt last past 1-2 visits. So no luck. When I do talk to her, she either doesnt listen or starts screaming. Background - her dad is verbal/emotionally abusive and obviously using her to make me stay..Also he doesnt support her in going counseling saying things are fine. yes, momentarily is fine but she doesn't respond well to any stress...

(as far as what he has actually threatend to do..he says he will tell her today itself that the house is going to foreclose or sell..and he is gonna start packing)..I told him he doesnt have to say it out like that today..DD has not been responding well to stress and has had some episodes of flipping out..

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 12-15-2011 - 4:44pm

Of course your DH has you right where he wants you--he is blackmailing you and emotionally abusing your DD by threatening to tell her that the house will have to be put up for sale so that you won't ask for money.

Avatar for winter2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2006
Thu, 12-15-2011 - 5:39pm

yes, i am

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2009
Thu, 12-15-2011 - 7:27pm
Where I live, my husband cannot put the house up for sale without my signature on the contract... Because my name is also on it. I agree you need to see a lawyer asap. ! Good luck...
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 12-15-2011 - 7:37pm

I'm not sure about your DD since I don't know her but it does seem like you have let her control your life for a while--you wouldn't move out cause she wouldn't like it or she would stay w/ her dad.

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