Someone tell me to stop being a baby...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2005
Someone tell me to stop being a baby...
2
Mon, 12-26-2005 - 4:53pm

I know I need to be the adult here but it's still hard. I'm separated from the STBX since August and we share custody (he has every other weekend and every Wednesday overnight) of our kids, DS 5 and DD 2. I'm ashamed to say that it hurts my feelings that they cry when he leaves but have no problem when I leave or when he comes to take them for the night or weekend. They were leaving yesterday to spend Christmas with him and they couldn't wait to get in the car and go. It's so dumb to feel hurt that I'm the one that spends the quality time with them, coloring, baking cookies, bathing them, cooking them a healthy meal etc and yet it's him that they seem to prefer to be with. I keep telling myself that it's a good thing that they want to be with him and are good with the transition but it still hurts me. I try not to "compete" with him but it's so hard sometimes when all they do with him is the "fun" stuff and I'm left making them brush their teeth, take their vitamins, eat their veggies, etc. Could someone share with me something that will make me feel better for the long haul and not so resentful?

Thanks for listening!

Cat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Mon, 12-26-2005 - 5:02pm
In the begining, my ex was a Disneyland Daddy and my boys were thrilled to see him every time. Now most of the time they cry when they leave me. I don't think it is because they love one of us more than the other. I think they know I'll always be there. They have no doubt so they don't miss me as much as they did, now that we are settling into a routine. Their tears are becoming less and I am sure yours children's will to. Remember someone has to be the adult and that person is you. Take pride in that!
Hugs, Brenda

Hugs, Brenda 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Mon, 12-26-2005 - 8:13pm

I could have written the exact same post. My son always says how much fun he has with dad, how much he wants to spend time with him, etc. I am very glad they have a good relationship now, but it still stings that he doesn't seem to care if I come or go.

The last few weeks, I've just tried to count my blessings that he is lucky enough to have a father who now wants to spend time with him and be involved in his life.

I wish I had a better answer. I guess we just have to focus on the positives of the good relationship our children have with their fathers. Hopefully, in time, it will hurt less.