Sometimes I feel like I'm living 2 lives

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
Sometimes I feel like I'm living 2 lives
4
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 2:52pm

I'm not sure where to ask this question but here goes-

Do you feel like you live one life - when you have the kids and then when the kids are gone you have a separate life? The two haven't mingled yet?

Example: When I have the kids, I do stuff revolving around the kids - hanging out with people and their children. When I don't have the kids, I find myself going to the bar and mingling with single people.

It's just weird -

Brenda
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2007
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 6:29pm

What you're saying isn't weird. It sounds like you're just trying to connect with other people. We all need connection in our lives.

One really good piece of advice my dad gave me in high school is that you have to learn to be by yourself because you have to learn to like your own company. It's difficult at first, but it just keeps getting easier. I've done lots of things by myself and each time you feel less and less self conscious. Going to bars can sometimes be really depressing - alcohol is a depressant and may make you feel worse.

What do you like to do? There are so many things we can do on our own. This is the perfect time to really think about yourself and what kinds of things you might like to bring into your life. Online classes? Hiking? Art classes? Photography? Learn a new language? Or, put together a mom's night out on a regular basis - even just sitting and talking to other mom's - married or single - can be great. Are you crafty? Do you knit - knitting stores often have groups where mostly women get together to knit and talk. The possibilities are endless.

We're all so used to doing "couple" things that we become too afraid/self conscious to get out on our own.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2006
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 8:54pm

OHH How I wish I was crafty but yea I do have other interest such as hiking. I've ventured out and did the puppy training with my puggle. Looked into dog parks. It just seems sometimes there isn't enough hours in the day to do everything you are interested in and work. I do enjoy my own company but I wonder how am I going to meet someone at home so I go out. That's what I've been doing lately when I don't have the kids. That's why I feel like I have 2 lives. When the kids are home, I do everything for them and with them but when they are with there dad I feel some freedom but don't have the company to enjoy it with yet. It's confusing.

BTW, the drinking is keep to a minimum. I'm just trying to meet people.

Brenda
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2007
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 2:18am
Sorry, didn't mean to imply anything about how much you might be drinking or pass any judgments. I guess I was thinking about when I went with a friend to a bar and it was so depressing for me that I didn't go back (well, it was quite a dive). It's difficult to have built a life one way and then have to rebuild it another way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2007
Fri, 07-27-2007 - 8:02pm

I feel the same way to. When I have the kids (which is about 95% of the time), they are my focus. When they are with their dad, it is me time. But I've gotten better about sometimes getting a sitter so I get me time even during that 95% - not at the expense of my kids, of course.

But the more I think about it, the more I realize we are all just complex people with lots of facets to us. The person I am at work if different than the mom I am at home, who is different when I am out with my friends (single or couples) who is different than the person I am on a date. They are all me - just different parts of me. I hope that doesn't sound crazy or like I have multiple personalities.

I think it just takes getting used to when we transition to be parents as part of a couple to being a single parent (no matter how involved the other parent is or isn't).

I hope that helps.