Sometimes I Think I Hate Him
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| Sun, 04-17-2005 - 4:47pm |
I'm trying so hard to be a good person, but sometimes I really think I hate my ex. He just makes everything so stinking hard for me!
He was supposed to get our dd tonight at 7pm and keep her all night (I wouldn't get her until 9pm tomorrow). He called me yesterday while I was at work and wanted to start yelling at me. He said that he had to work Monday at 4:30pm and wanted our dd before 7pm today. I told him I was very busy with work and I would call him later. Before we hung up I told him that we had a lunch thing after church and I would talk to him about 2pm.
He called me a little before 2 yelling at me. He said that he couldn't keep our dd all night b/c he had to work Monday evening. I had arranged all my plans around the fact that he was going to keep her. I have school/classes all day Monday, and there is no possible way that I could get back into town before 4pm. He said that he didn't care, and that he couldn't keep her. So, I called my ex-mother-in-law, ex's stepmom, (since we are still on good terms) and explained everything to her. I just wanted her to hear everything from me since my ex tends to lie all the time, especially about my dd and the visitation thing. (ex lives with step mom and dad....) I told her that I was sorry for any mix up, etc., and if she wanted, she could have dd while I worked Monday night. I then had to call my mom, granny, and stepdad and arrange for someone to watch dd while I was at school.
Ex came over here...in my own home...and started screaming at me. He threw a $50 check at me (first c/s since the divorce...supposed to be around $300, but I'll never see that) and said that he was keeping her all night. I was furious. I had to arrange other plans b/c he wouldn't watch her, and now he's changed his mind, so I said NO! I told him I would pick her up between 9 and 10 tonight.
He then told me that he's taking me back to court b/c he's moving and wants joint custody! Does the jack ass not realize that we ALREADY HAVE JOINT CUSTODY?
I'm so sick of this and all his threats. I told him that I wasn't going to be intimidated by him anymore, and that I really didn't care what he did. I told him that children need stability in their lives and some type of routine, and no judge in his/her right mind is going to uproot a child like that. I mean, when dd starts school, etc., is a judge really going to allow her to spend one week 2 hrs aways, and then one week with me. Of course not, how would she be able to attend school then?
I'm just sooooooooooo tired of all this! Please...someone say something to make me feel better!

I hate yelling. I hate raised voices. I have no idea why, I was not raised around yelling, but when I hear people yelling or talking with raised voices it makes me jumpy. Nobody should be subjected to that. If he's going to yell, calmly say you will talk to him when he can speak in a normal voice and end the conversation. If he's in your home, call the police to have him removed. Keep repeating, I will speak with you when you can talk in a normal voice and refuse to respond with any other statement as long as he's yelling. I don't know if it will work, I've never been in that situation, but that is what I would try. I would just not say anything to him if he's yelling.
If he wants to change custody plans, tell him you need it in writing via email. If you have to make a change in plans due to his change, then reply that you have made appropriate arrangements to accomodate for his plans. Print it all out and keep it with you. If he changes his mind again later, you've got something to demonstrate why you are not agreeing to his new demands if they contradict the previous change. Hopefully that way he will learn that he will be held to his word. There will be a consequence to his decisions (getting in a screaming match sounds like his #1 goal, and something he might consider a benefit rather than a consequence).
Have the child support garnished through the state. If the person paying child support does anything other than hand the check over nicely on or before the date it is due, they lose the right to pay it directly. If they are late, don't pay the full amount or throw it at you, then go through the state. That is my very strong humble opinion as someone who pays child support, always on time, always in full, and always is nice about it.
I am a new poster here, but I feel terrible that you are being subjected to such unkindness and manipulation. I admire you for standing up to him and telling him in so many words that you will not stand for his intimidation and threats any longer.
And about child support, I would agree with firstamedment. Definitely have the state garnish his wages. Good luck.
Edited 4/17/2005 6:58 pm ET ET by justiceandtruth