Son's 1st birthday soon...what to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-15-2004
Son's 1st birthday soon...what to do?
4
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 12:03pm
Hi,
My husband and I have been seperated for 3 months and it doesn't look very positive if we are going to try to work on our issues. Our son is almost 10 months old and his 1st birthday is coming up in July. I plan on having a birthday party for him with family, but alittle unsure of what to do about invites for him and his family. I do talk to his mom's side regularly, but not his dad's side. I thought I would invite them all including my husband or whatever should call him, but I am unsure of what to do. Just a little background my husbands parents are divorced and they don't talk at all. I don't know who would come if I invite them, i really don't know if my husband would come either. He says he thinks of my family as his own since his never gets along..but he has had trouble facing them with the given situation at hand. What to do? Any advice?
Sue
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 12:43pm
I started having dd's birthday celebrations at a neutral location (not at either house) so both sides can feel comfortable (not just ex and I, but also friends that are more my friends or more his friends, and who's children are invited to the party). If his dad's side or he himself does not feel comfortable, then it's up to them to have a separate family celebration on their own for ds. Inviting them and seeing is a good approach (and if they choose not to come, don't worry about it, you tried).

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2005
Thu, 05-05-2005 - 12:58pm

I agree with firstamendment. Neutral is best and yes, invite them all :) It is their choice to come or not to come, atleast you tried.


I had my son's 6th birthday party at Chuckie Cheese this year, I invited my ex and OW and XSIL and XMIL. They all opted not to come. I feel better knowing that I invited them and I put aside my feelings for the sake of my kids. I think it would be WONDERFUL to be able to have a joint party with no hard feelings. Everyone SHOULD get along regardless of the situation. After all, birthdays/holidays are about the kids.


My daughter, who turned 1 this year didn't even get a phone call from my X or his family. We had a great party here for her and then another one at my SO's parents house. We made it our own, she didn't know the difference.


Hugs to you and good luck!


Angelena

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 05-06-2005 - 11:10am

I would ask your EX what he prefers...... if you are comfortable with him... and his family joining in, then extend the invitation.


My kids have multiple celebrations... and I try to make a point to celebrate on other days besides "the day".


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2005
Fri, 05-06-2005 - 12:01pm

hi there, i am in a similar situation. My husband and i are separated, divorce pending. i am pregnant and we have a 3 year old son who turns 4 at the end of June.
This year, we decided to have a "neutral" birthday party for my son and his friends. No family or mutual friends invited, just kids from his preschool. Then we are going to each have our own individual parties for our families. It's interesting, I am on great terms with his family, but he is not with mine, so that is more to ease tension for my family and my stbx than anything.
I know your child is too young to have other children over, but maybe the separate family parties would work for you this year. It's unfortunate that you wouldn't be able to see the folks on his side that you are close to, but if it's going to be awkward otherwise they would probably understand.
i'm hoping that in future years, when our emotions aren't so raw, we'll all be able to get together peacefully for my boys' sake.
i didn't read any other posts so this may be a duplicate suggestion.
hang in there and take care

Bridget