Soon to be military exwife....have ?'s

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Soon to be military exwife....have ?'s
2
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 12:16am

My husband and I have been married 8+ years. Well, I asked for a seperation, we've haven't been happy for a while. He just moved out (got a apartment last week but has been staying with a friend from work for a few weeks), so hes been out about a month.
Well, hes dating already, which is fine.
We verbally agreeded to stay legally seperated for financial and health insurance reasons. He says his taxes will go up alot when he can't claim me, and I will lose health insurance for myself. I'm fine with this arrangement, and he seemed to be too. I have not worked in almost 8 years (since I got pregnant with my first child) and we moved overseas. We have moved SO much that I have not been able to have even a small part time job for very long. So I don't have much job experience. Nor did I finish college. I have put my life on hold all this time.
Well today he tells me that he want to get started with the divorce because something to the effect "women dont like dating men that aren't legally divorced'. I think the date he went on Saturday must have said that too him.
Now, per our verbal agreement, the kids and I (we have 2) were going to stay in military housing until the school year is out. But once we file for divorce and this gets started, we have 30 days to vacate. I dont make that much money right now (I went from not working all those years to working 30+ hours a week). He was going to let me wait till I got on my feet more before we got divorced. Now he's wanting it.
I dont want to be mean. I dont want to be one of those women that takes their ex to the cleaners. But I need to be able to survive and take care of my kids (they will live with me). My job is very flexable and understanding when it comes to children. And he is fine with that I dont make much but can be there at moments notice if need be, or take them with me to work. However its not the highest paying job.

How do I find out how much I am entitled to for both child support and alimony. This is all so overwhelming.
Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2006
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 1:50am
Your situation is not all that different from mine. I too am in the middle of a divorce from an active duty soldier. I took it a step further however and have been living back in my home state since July. Anyway, number one, LAWYER. I cannot stress that enough. The state mandates child support, so that will depend on your state. Your kids will be able to keep their insurance, and the other dependant benefits. I think things will be a little different for you because you've been married less than 10 years, but if your husband uses the thrift savings plan, you are entitled to a piece of that as well. In my state they have what is called spousal maintenance. Kind of like alimony with a better name. For me, I am not taking it, but may use it in order to make up for the military discount I'll be losing for my college tuition. This is all stuff I did not know until I hired a lawyer. The JAG office cannot help you, but they should have a referal list of local family law attouneys - get one. Other than that - take a deep breath - you'll make it through. We are here to help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2006
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 3:49pm
Thanks. I'm not sure I can afford a lawyer though. Is there some sort of percentage of their total pay (including BAH, COLA, etc) that they HAVE to give?