Split 50/50 during counseling?
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Split 50/50 during counseling?
| Tue, 03-27-2007 - 11:17am |
Considering the gloomy outlook for my marriage, I’m wondering if it’s appropriate to ask H for us to separate our accounts and split the bills half and half. Otherwise I will have no way to put a deposit down on another house or to hire a lawyer if the counseling doesn’t work (the same could be said for him). Or will just asking the question cause problems?
We're set to start counseling on 4/9 but I don't hold a lot of hope in this. First, H hates counselors and other "so-called experts". Secondly, we are likely beyond hope. I understand most programs are around 3-4 months long, so during this time is when I would propose the financial separation (open book though).

lilly -- Why are you even bothering with counceling? It sounds like you have decided to get a divorce. If you have no intention of staying with the marriage, stop the counceling because its a waste of your money and his. If you enter counceling with the presumption that it won't work, you create a self-fullfilling prophecy. Why bother?
If you want a divorce, focus on that only.
When you start indicating that you want to seperate monies and put deposits on houses, you are entering into specific financial issues that vary from state to state. So that means you need to talk to a lawyer very very soon before you start doing any of this. Until papers are filed court, all assets and liabilities belong to the marriage, regardless of what you have done before.
I'm Lilly's Mommy. You are correct that I don't hold a lot of hope on counseling nor does H. I do not already want a divorce but it's been considered on both sides (see my previous Contemplating Divorce Again post). Your preply was rather harsh in my opinion. We haven't even begun counseling and also it's been my idea to do for years (but H just agreed to it). It's set to start on Monday. I'm just wondering about how to have a backup plan financially. I've read a number of places that it's wise for women to have some of their own money put aside for emergencies.
If anyone has some good information and will be useful instead of critical, I would appreciate it.
In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away
-shing xiong
Lilly,
I'm glad you and your husband are going to counseling. It's important to try even if you feel like it's not worth the effort. That's because it's important for both of you to understand how you relate to each other and how that behavior has brought you to where you are. That's valuable information to have especially if you stay together and also if you part your ways.
That said, have the two of you been physically separated at all? If not, I'd suggest you ask the counselor about something called a "structured separation" whereby you live apart during your time in counseling and agree on how to address bills, car repairs, etc. Time apart can actually help you get some
CL-Wisdomtooth2020