Split 50/50 during counseling?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
Split 50/50 during counseling?
5
Tue, 03-27-2007 - 11:17am

Considering the gloomy outlook for my marriage, I’m wondering if it’s appropriate to ask H for us to separate our accounts and split the bills half and half. Otherwise I will have no way to put a deposit down on another house or to hire a lawyer if the counseling doesn’t work (the same could be said for him). Or will just asking the question cause problems?

We're set to start counseling on 4/9 but I don't hold a lot of hope in this. First, H hates counselors and other "so-called experts". Secondly, we are likely beyond hope. I understand most programs are around 3-4 months long, so during this time is when I would propose the financial separation (open book though).

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 10:54am

lilly -- Why are you even bothering with counceling? It sounds like you have decided to get a divorce. If you have no intention of staying with the marriage, stop the counceling because its a waste of your money and his. If you enter counceling with the presumption that it won't work, you create a self-fullfilling prophecy. Why bother?

If you want a divorce, focus on that only.

When you start indicating that you want to seperate monies and put deposits on houses, you are entering into specific financial issues that vary from state to state. So that means you need to talk to a lawyer very very soon before you start doing any of this. Until papers are filed court, all assets and liabilities belong to the marriage, regardless of what you have done before.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 11:46am

I'm Lilly's Mommy. You are correct that I don't hold a lot of hope on counseling nor does H. I do not already want a divorce but it's been considered on both sides (see my previous Contemplating Divorce Again post). Your preply was rather harsh in my opinion. We haven't even begun counseling and also it's been my idea to do for years (but H just agreed to it). It's set to start on Monday. I'm just wondering about how to have a backup plan financially. I've read a number of places that it's wise for women to have some of their own money put aside for emergencies.

If anyone has some good information and will be useful instead of critical, I would appreciate it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 4:49pm
I agree that you need to talk to an attorney ASAP since state laws vary so much on this issue. In the mean time, open your own bank account, get a credit card that is in your name only, take your name off of any joint credit cards if possible, and see about putting your car in your name only. Don't put any more money into the joint account. Those things should not pose a problem. (Correct me if I'm wrong anyone.) As far as your joint debts go, if those debts (other than house and cars) are not beyond your joint savings at this time, pay them off. That's one less headache you have to deal with. DO get it documented what your assets, cash and bank accounts are at this time. Other than those things, you do need to see an attorney ASAP. You need to know if you can legally move money from the joint account into your personal account. You need to know what to do about house payments and car payments.









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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 8:46pm

Lilly,


I'm glad you and your husband are going to counseling. It's important to try even if you feel like it's not worth the effort. That's because it's important for both of you to understand how you relate to each other and how that behavior has brought you to where you are. That's valuable information to have especially if you stay together and also if you part your ways.


That said, have the two of you been physically separated at all? If not, I'd suggest you ask the counselor about something called a "structured separation" whereby you live apart during your time in counseling and agree on how to address bills, car repairs, etc. Time apart can actually help you get some

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2006
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 1:06pm
I personally don't think it SHOULD be a problem but that depends on how things are being paid now. I've always maintained my own checking/savings/credit card accounts due to the fact that I was already established when I got married. In my case our 50/50 was based on 50% of our income being that his yearly salary is almost twice as mine.