Welcome to the board. We hope you find support and advice you can use, and a safe place to vent.
My advice? Go to marriage counseling solo - for yourself. It's important because as you said there are things you did or didn't do to contribute to the demise of the marriage. A good therapist can help you sort through your own "baggage" and give you an objective perspective on things. He or she might also be able to give you some help with communicating with your wife regarding the current state of your marriage.
Too many estranged spouses view marriage counseling as trying to "fix them." I say its about discovery. You discover what it is you brought to the marriage - good and bad- and how that's brought you to the point of separation.
Second piece of advice is separation can be a good thing because it gets you out of each other's faces each day. It allows you both to breathe a little. Counseling during separation can also be helpful if both are willing to go. Like I said, if she won't go with you, go solo. It may help you as you make decisions about the future.
I'd also advise you to visit with an experienced divorce attorney. Not to file necessarily but to find out your rights and responsibilities in the event of divorce. You've been married a long time; this won't be a simple division of property. So find out what you need to know and tuck it away for a rainy day. (I also counsel you NOT to tell your wife you've visited a lawyer. Keep that to yourself.)
In the meantime, I'd suggest minimizing contact with your wife and then when you do talk keep it simple and to the point. She may or may not have made up her mind about the marriage and she herself may just need a little space, too.
Good luck and let us know how you're doing.
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
Some commonly misspelled words on this board:
You're = contraction of "you are"; You're going away?
The councoling part is so true, If a spouse isn't willing to go, that tells you they aren't willing to work on things. If it weren't for my therapist and these boards. I dunno...I wouldn't be sitting here typing this to you.
No person is worth the grief. I know that sounds easier said than done. I'm in the middle of it being almost a month I was told ( where had the time gone).. I have good moments and bad and most times I just exist.. I'm trying to put those times
Hi Carl,
Welcome to the board. We hope you find support and advice you can use, and a safe place to vent.
My advice? Go to marriage counseling solo - for yourself. It's important because as you said there are things you did or didn't do to contribute to the demise of the marriage. A good therapist can help you sort through your own "baggage" and give you an objective perspective on things. He or she might also be able to give you some help with communicating with your wife regarding the current state of your marriage.
Too many estranged spouses view marriage counseling as trying to "fix them." I say its about discovery. You discover what it is you brought to the marriage - good and bad- and how that's brought you to the point of separation.
Second piece of advice is separation can be a good thing because it gets you out of each other's faces each day. It allows you both to breathe a little. Counseling during separation can also be helpful if both are willing to go. Like I said, if she won't go with you, go solo. It may help you as you make decisions about the future.
I'd also advise you to visit with an experienced divorce attorney. Not to file necessarily but to find out your rights and responsibilities in the event of divorce. You've been married a long time; this won't be a simple division of property. So find out what you need to know and tuck it away for a rainy day. (I also counsel you NOT to tell your wife you've visited a lawyer. Keep that to yourself.)
In the meantime, I'd suggest minimizing contact with your wife and then when you do talk keep it simple and to the point. She may or may not have made up her mind about the marriage and she herself may just need a little space, too.
Good luck and let us know how you're doing.
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
Some commonly misspelled words on this board:
You're = contraction of "you are"; You're going away?
CL-Wisdomtooth2020
It must be pretty awful to separate after such a long marriage.
The councoling part is so true, If a spouse isn't willing to go, that tells you they aren't willing to work on things. If it weren't for my therapist and these boards. I dunno...I wouldn't be sitting here typing this to you.
No person is worth the grief. I know that sounds easier said than done. I'm in the middle of it being almost a month I was told ( where had the time gone).. I have good moments and bad and most times I just exist.. I'm trying to put those times
"This new path I must lead will lead me to europhoria"