Spreading the word about your D
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| Wed, 11-30-2005 - 12:17pm |
In a few wks I will be informing my husband of 12 yrs that I want a divorce. This won't come as a shock to him given that he recently had to admit that he has been cheating on me since we got married, given some instant messages that I found where he boasted to a friend about his numerous relationships!!!
After "busting" him, year after year, I'm done with it. His apologies and temporary remorse no longer compensate for the lack of change in his behavior.
All other aspects of our relationship are OK. He is not physically abusive, no drug or alcohol abuse, he contributes financially to the house, he is a good dad, etc. So I anticipate that it will be an amicable divorce unless he does a 360.
I'm wondering how you spread the word to friends, co-workers, other family members, etc. My immediate family and best friend already know as they have been supporting me over the last few weeks since the discovery of his latest affair. However, others will be surprised. We will be living in the house together until it is sold (we have two young children and don't want them to minimize the impact on them).
How did you spread the word?

I agree that word will get around on its own... but in my situation (and i live in a very small town) i elected to inform the co-workers i felt the closest to so that they didn't have to hear it from anyone else... I preferred being the one to tell people rather then have rumors start...not that it stopped them completely... but i felt better...
Ali
Hugs, Brenda
Hugs, Brenda
We also are living in the house until it sells. We live in a fairly small town, and didn't want a lot of people to know we are divorcing, so people don't think we "have" to sell and it drives down the price. I have told only a few people, like my family and his family. I recently told my boss, who could not have been more supportive.
A couple of friends know, but most people don't. It's EXTREMELY awkward for us as a couple/soon to be non-couple and we are still doing a LOT of things together as a family and keeping up appearances, mostly for the sake of our 3yo daughter. It's very stressful, but in the long run, I think it's best for our daughter for us to get the finances in order and then move on. When I move out, I will probably tell more friends, and it will get around, but for now, it is awkward for people to hear we are separating, and then see us together with our daughter.
I'm sorry you find yourself in this painful situation. But tell the people who have a reason to need to know only what they need to know. It's not anybody else's business. Trust your gut. And yes, word will definitely get around, lots of busybodies in this world. I was quite amused at some of the false things I heard about me and my ex's situation months after the fact when the gossips misconstrued everything.
Like one of the previous posters, I also felt a great deal of shame and personal failure. However, with therapy and personal growth, I'm over that. Marriages fail all the time, and I was not the only one failing the marriage.
I think the less you say about it the better, it's nobody's business if he cheated once or a hundred times. Now, years later, people complement me on not saying crap about my ex like he says about me. That lets me hold my head up high.
Wishing you a completely amicable divorce. It can happen like that, it doesn't have to be a horrible fight. I hope his cooperative attitude continues. I hope you both can put your kids first.
The folk I work with are clueless.
Peace,
Di
***If you cannot define yourself, your circumstances will.***