Starting the journey

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2007
Starting the journey
3
Sun, 07-29-2007 - 2:12pm
I have been married for 27 years (YIKES!) this year and have been contemplating seperation/divorce for 3 years now. After much soul searching and realizing things were not going to improve, I have decided to take the big step and contact an attorney. I am waiting on seperation paperwork (which was just started 4 days ago) to be completed before I move to the next step (whatever that will be). Of course that all depends on whether husband will agree to the terms. I did not discuss with him that I had obtained an attorney, so he will be shocked to say the least! I'm not sure how he will react, but I hope he just signs the paperwork so we can both move on. Has anyone pursued a seperation without having a discussion with your husband beforehand? We do NOT talk about anything and haven't for quite some time; we merely occupy the same house. I have put off seperating over the past 3 years because we have 2 children (12 y/o and 9 y/o), but I think I have finally realized that being together doesen't always make it right just for the kids. I have friends who have been asking for the past year or two what I was waiting on! I thought I could wait until I finished college (I decided to go back to school at the age of 42), but I still have 1 1/2 years remaining and it would only be wasting more time. It's nice to read other posts and realize I'm not alone!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2007
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 12:03pm
Is the 27 years not worth saving? have you been to counseling? is your mind set?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2007
Mon, 07-30-2007 - 2:01pm
I've been thinking this over for 3 years now. And when you find out after 25 years that your spouse is bi-curious that's something that is hard to get over and work out no matter how many years you have invested! I went to counseling on my own, but didn't really get anything out of it other than to try and sympathize with his upbringing (blah, blah,blah)! I've stuck in for the past 3 years after making the discovery and after he lied to me about it to my face and he has also been very sneaky and secretive since I found out is bi curious (whatever that is supposed to mean other than it means to me he is bi). Anwyay, my life here isn't pleasant and I don't feel we don't set a good example of what a married couple (although there is no fighting or argueing at all) should be for our children. They do not see any affection, communication, or family bond and I think it's just better to end it before any more time is lost. I am no longer happy and I want to be happy again!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 08-01-2007 - 4:15pm

Hey, I think that the first step, talking to an attorney, will help to put things into perspective as far as what your rights and responsibilities will be... and that will go a long way towards helping you make decisions.


Sometimes, ya just have to say.... "we're not happy, let's move on."


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~