starting over again
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starting over again
| Sat, 03-26-2005 - 9:40am |
its not really a divorce this time, my first marrige went on for 13 years. i was married to an alchoholic and had trouble being confident & leaving him. things finally got so bad that i left him. but not from my own confidence. me and a (male) coworker got to be great friends (i'd known him for 5 years before that.) during the end of my marrige things started developing between us and when i was separated from my ex, my co worker and i had a full relationship in the works. (i never had the chance to be alone and spend some time loving myself.) that was 5 years ago. when "r" and i got together we chose not to marry for a long long time. well we bought a house together, and a new car together, things were up and down for us, he never helped around the house, a very selfish person. but i kind of got used to it and just kept on complaining to him about it. about 3 months ago i caught him talking to another co worker at another location and i confronted him and he said they were just "friends" it seemed our relationship was getting better. i kept finding things on the computer, such as a chat log and i went crazy. he said things to her i couldnt imagine "friends" saying to each other (to make matters worse she just was married 5 months before that) again he said it would stop. again i beleived him!! the last straw was when i found a mapquest to get to her location. i begged and begged for us to try again. he said he needed space and time, but would have to stay at our house until he had enough money saved up. (he said he would give me the house) i agreed. i still had hope. im having a terrible time coming to grips with being "alone" (i have a 15 year old daugter that is by my side through all of this) she's been great. but ive never been without a man and it scares me to death! the pain i feel is incredible and i have a hard time getting through the day, cant sleep at all and have lost alot of weight from not eating. im a strong person otherwise but i need confidence to go on now. (by myself for a while)

I just wanted to offer you some big hugs and suggest that you try some counseling if possible.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~