stay or go and pregnant

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2006
stay or go and pregnant
3
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 9:39am
This is a second marriage for both H and I. I have two kids, he has one. My kids live with us--see their dad every other weekend. His daughter lives with mom--we see her twice a week and every other weekend. I'm six months pregnant.
My H has tremendous guilt over "leaving his daughter" and is routinely upset and despondent when she is not around. He has told me she will always be first in his life--coming before anyone else. He says this is "totally normal" and "the way it should be". He has also told me and others she is "superior" to my children in every way..and that he and his ex are three times the parents my ex and I will ever be. He, at times, can be very hostile to my kids..and excuses it all away..saying they are manipulative children who need discipline. I am increasingly uncomfortable in my own home as are my children..feeling nothing is EVER good enough for my h. He asked us to leave in February of this year and we did. We then spent the next four months in intensive counseling with a family therapist trying to find a way to make it work. We moved back in May after I discovered I was pregnant. While we were gone, he was miserable and said he could not wait for us to be back "home". NOthing has changed. Whenever problems arise, he says "well, if it's so bad, then get the f*** out". He says this with no emotion and I'm starting to believe he wouldn't bat an eye if we did just walk out. He says I am a 'completely miserable person" who just creates problems. He consistently gets angry..says unforgiveable things and then expects me just to "move on and shake it off". I am now experiencing his favorite "the silent treatment" where he refuses to speak to me for days on end...until he decides to "forgive me". He tells me "everyone agrees" with him that my "thinking is just bizarre" and "non-sensical"...and that he is doing nothing to cause any problems in this marriage. He says he can't "make me" feel anything...and the only thing in his life that's problematic is me. He is very arrogant and consistently brags about what a great catch he is...what a great husband he is..(You're lucky--I'm home every night) etc.. etc...I really do not know what is best...leaving once and for all or to continue trying to make this right. He says if i leave, I'll just have the same problems with "the next guy" again insinuating the problems all stem from me. I am confused and scared...do not know what is best....for my kids, my baby and for me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2003
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 9:58am
Leave the rat. And frankly, his daughter is better off not seeing him all the time either.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-22-2006 - 11:54am

Well I wish I had known what my ex was going to be like after we got married for I would have never married him. If this guy thinks all the problems are yours then I feel that would be better off leaving him to worship his child. To me sounds like my ex that everything was his way and if I had no money that was ok but if he didn't have cash in his pocker the world was coming to an end. Please leave and go to a save place for you and your children and unborn child. If he really doesn't want to married anymore than cut your losses and leave you will be better off in the end. the stress is not good for you or the baby or your kids.

lisa j romesburg

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 08-23-2006 - 9:08pm

Hi!


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~