STB Ex Introduced DS to OW
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| Mon, 05-21-2007 - 2:19pm |
Ok, I need some advice. I am REALLY trying to be civil with STBX, but I feel that he has crossed the line. He had told my DS (9) that he would take him to the movies this past weekend, and I have no problem with that. I had a few things to take care of during the morning and early afternoon, so he agreed to take him for a few extra hours. Well come to find out he spent the afternoon at the OW house with her two kids. Now, my STBX is living with her, but I just don't agree with him inviting my DS into their 'happy home'. I talked with my son to make sure he never felt uncomfortable, and said he had no problems. This whole thing just doesn't settle well with me. I understand that eventually I will move on too and find someone else, but I would handle it much differently when it comes to introducing my kids to him. My STBX has had a relationship with OW for a year now (after he lied about NC), but has only officially moved out since the beginning of this year. I am just terrified of how my DS comprehends all of this… How do I approach my STBX without getting into an all out brawl???
Any advice would be appreciated.

Children tend to be more resilient in these situations than the adults.
STBX is being moronic. The statistics show that relationships started before a divorce will fail. So its very likely that OW amd STBX will either break up or end in divorce. That's not wishful thinking, or being pessimistic, that just the stats.
I'd attempt to discuss with STBX that neither of you will introduce a new "mate" until a year after the divorce is finalized in court. Both of you should do this in the best interest of your child. Your child needs parental stability, not a new cast of characters. (This also hints that you too have found someone, which will have the delightful side effect of driving stbx nuts).
You are living my life 8 months ago.
XH introduced our 8 year old to his "friend". A few weeks later they took a "family" trip with her 13 yo. A few weeks later, he is going to "her" apt (STBX at the time was already living there, like DS couldn't figure that one out). We had many arguements over that one. But, of course, he won saying "it's not going to hurt him" and I can't tell him what to do when DS is with him." BLAH!!!
Anyway, fast forward to Nov., our divorce is final, Dec. he married OW. Jan. OW is pregnant. DS has done well, he just excepts his new "step-family". He has been really resiliant, better than me. I guess we will see in the future how this has really affected him. DS tells me all the time that he wants me to find someone and be happy.
If it's any concelation (sp) XH has admitted that he is not happy, but is going to have to learn to live with his mistakes.
Don't know if any of that is what you wanted to hear, but that is how mine turned out.
Good luck to you.
Heartbrokenx3
I always took my cues from my kids.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
This is my story; my stbx left in August when he was busted cheating on me. I talked and talked to him about not introducing ow for at least 6 months, and to give me a "heads up" before doing so so that I could prepare ds for this intro, but to no avail. On one of his visits, I think it was in November, ds (5) came home and said "Daddy had a stranger and some kid with him). Neato. Since that first time, stbx has spent ZERO time one on one with our son. Every moment is spent with ow and her kid...not building a loving and trusting relationship with his child, just shoving his new family down my child's throat. DS doesn't like "the stranger" or "that kid" as he puts it and just wants his dad to do stuff with him by themselves.
It gets better, OW is now knocked up with stbx's twins...due on my ds birthday.
I pray that your stbx is not as shallow and self centered as mine and will continue a relationship with your child. I pray that my son will not hate his father when he gets older, as I do. And NO I do not knock his dad in front of him. I have heard horror stories too many times of that backfiring on the mom. I just keep my lip zipped in front of my child and come here to vent, where it belongs.
<> to you td
You are all such a godsend to me! Every now and then it is so good to vent and hear other POV's and stories. It really makes me feel like I'm not the only one - which I tend to do more often than not.
I am still trying to get in touch with STBX, but he hasn't returned any of my phone calls. Which makes me wonder. My biggest fear is how and if this will affect my DS.
lisa