STBX begging me to take him back
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STBX begging me to take him back
| Mon, 01-09-2006 - 2:09pm |
STBX stopped by a little while ago, and basically begged me to let him come home. He said he's been "talking to" someone; only drinks "light" beer; and wants to move forward with me. Yet he says that "all these girls" keep calling him, etc. He ALSO said that he told our oldest DS (he's 18 1/8) that he was coming over here to talk to me about me "letting him" come back home and get together. I told STBX that I felt that we had divergent opinions on this subject, and felt it was a little too late at this point; and that I'd heard this before, why should it be different than in the past?
Edited 1/9/2006 4:26 pm ET by susieyippin
Edited 1/9/2006 4:26 pm ET by susieyippin

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I think that I would tell him that if he's so interested in taking count of all of the other women that are "in love" with him, that there's no way that he could possibly have his heart and mind on the right track or anywhere near the right place to even wonder if you'd so much as consider taking him back.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Karen ~ wildlucky4me
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
LOL! Oh....my...God. Your post almost made me wet my pants! call up your harem, move forward..that is the funniest thing I have ever read. And SO darn true. Thank goodness you have such a good sense of humor.
And I totally know what you mean about how nothing is their fault. My STBX blames me, my new bf, a recent solar eclipse, etc. for us getting a divorce.
Again with the STBX asking to come back! I just got off the phone with him.
STBX: Was that your final answer the other day?
Me: I just don't see it working out positively. I can't go through another 20 years of this.
STBX: We could go to counseling. I could make it REAL nice.
Me: Like I said, a week and a half of being dry is out of 20 years-- it's a deal breaker. Sorry. I've seen and heard this before, it's more of the same. You may see it as me not having faith in you, or being negative, but it's noting different than what you've said before.
STBX: I wish you would have talked to me more.
Me: Umm, I tried to talk to you. YOU ridiculed me constantly, and couldn't be bothered. It's hard to talk to you when you're influenced by booze.
STBX: You were on the computer when you should have been in bed with me.
Me: Gee, maybe I was on the computer for a REASON...? When you're told for years and years how worthless you are...
STBX: I never said that.
Me: Yes, you did. You'd come home from work, scream that YOU were the ONLY one contributing to the family; we were all a burden to you; telling the kids not to have kids...
STBX: Well, I was stressed at work and had to have some beers. If you guys weren't stressing me out, we could have worked it out.
Me: Hold on a second. TWO YEARS ago, I got us into counseling, and you blew it off. You showed me that your priorities were somewhere else, so the marriage was dead for me at that point. I will take absolutely NO responsibility for YOUR drinking. You drank before the kids were born; you drank BEFORE I even MET you. If you want to look at the ROOT of the problem, you were raised in your parents' home. I didn't force you to drink, I never twisted your arm and poured beer down your throat.
STBX: Well, I take responsibility for *SOME*, but it wasn't all me.
Me: Maybe so, but the kids and I won't be blamed for your drinking. You had a reputation for that before I knew you. Get to the root of it, maybe it'll help.
Yet he refuses to go to AA, or any type of professional counseling.
Are you in alanon?
It has saved my life from a black hole of hell.
Highly recommended.
I tried Al-Anon a couple of years ago, and it didn't help one iota... I don't know if it was the wrong group, or what, but they were very unwelcoming... the only meetings around are for adult children of alcoholics (which I am not; neither of my parents drinks), and when they found that I WASN'T raised in an alcoholic home, I was shunned. ("Oh, you're not one of US... you can't BE here.") They didn't help me in trying to find any other group, so I said screw it. I found the organization to be very unhelpful in my case. I really can't see why I need to understand WHY he drank-- I personally don't care why... eliminate the toxic people from your life, and healing will come. He's toxic, he's out of my life, I'm moving on, but he wants to blame me. That's his problem, let him stew in his BS.
I'm in counseling, though, and that helps tremendously. Also being away from the slug. :-D
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