stbx finally moving out/GF will be intro
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| Sun, 05-28-2006 - 8:24am |
He is moving about 30 miles away to an apartment. He claims to be moving 'most' of his stuff on Tuesday. Hopefully while the kids are in school. But, he wants to take them over there when they get home to see his new place. He doesnt think a lot of things thru. So, i hope he does all this with some tenderness for the kids.
We have been going thru this divorce process since Feb 1st and he started dating this girl by Feb 8th. He flaunts the fact that he has a gf. I beleive the kids suspect/know. They have asked me who's (insert name). He started spending the night at her house about 3-4 nights a week, but never explains to the kids where he is or was. He leaves emails open on the family computer from her to him telling him she loves him....yada yada yada. She has sent email to him to our family email address, so I put a block on that to happen again. Here I am trying to protect the kids from this kind of exposure at this point. They have so much on their plate and their father still hasnt even moved out!! He spend little or no time with the kids. He had designated Sundays for tiem to spend with the kids but that lasted about 1 day. After that those days were spent with gf. So, this part has been pretty difficult. I mean I know only a needy, insecure, probably young, mis-informed gal would want to be involved to this degree with a still married man who is still living at home with the wife and kids, and never spends time with his kids!!
My concern is this....Last month I took the kids to Florida for a week. I just found out that while we were gone stbx and his gf decided that it would be okay for her to come and stay in our home!! Now stbx has his own bed (in the family room!!), but still this broad used my couch, my coffee cups, my bathroom (I sure because his is dirty),... you get my point. I guess what I'm saying here is my hopes that at least he pick a decent gal that would be nice to my kids are getting dashed by info like this. I mean what kind of person thinks thats okay? Even if he told it it would be? Play house in another womans home, where children live....
I know there is not a whole lot I can do or say about when he introduces this person to our children, but I only assuming it will be pretty quick. because he has led me to beleive that she is going to be living with him. I am sure the kids will not be happy about that either. Any advice in how to help the kids cope? Do I stop fretting about it now and just wait for it to happen? Ds (12) may 'act' like it doesnt bother him, but I know it will. DD (8) will just be devasted. Its just tooo tooo soon.
Why do people do this to others and themselves? It's just not the right time to start another relationship when you are trying to close your marriage and you have children that need you.

it will be rough for a while, but then their new lives will become the norm.
my ex had no time for the kids when we first split either. he was so infatuated with his new gf and his new life, that they were left behind. he wouldn't have won any father of the year awards before that, but he was a daily presence, someone who could show them things on the computer, etc.
after the novelty of the new gf wore off, he started spending more time with the kids, actually taking them after school one day a week and one day every other weekend. six months after the split, he told me about the gf (like i didn't already know). i took care of telling the kids. our relationship became uber close after the split -- they were 8 and 10 at the time. they were very upset and cried and didn't want to meet her. they left here that day as though heading toward their deaths. not my fault -- i told them to keep an open mind. i didn't want them to feel they were losing their father. unfortunately, since that time -- one year ago -- they have not had any time with their father alone. the older child still does not talk to the gf, the younger child has pretty much accepted her completely, but still doesn't want them to get married. who knows if they ever will; they might as well be because they've been living together since the split.
my kids are happy. they know that their father is not the most responsible guy in the world and have talked about that with me when he cancels or when he yells at them for something that doesn't make sense. they still love him, but they understand that this is who he is. i myself talked to a counselor about how to handle it with the kids. i don't want the kids to feel guilty about loving their father, but i also want them to know that they are two very lovable kids who didn't do anything wrong to send him away. they don't understand that he won't see them alone, without her. i talked to the ex about spending some time alone with them and he yeses me to death, but i'm sure he just thinks it's jealousy on my part. it isn't. the counselor said not to protect the ex, to gently tell the kids the truth in an age-appropriate way.
hope this helps.
Its the selfishness that makes me so sick & so FURIOUS!!!! Im sorry its happening this way .... hopefully she will SOMEHOW turn out to be a + influence in their life.
& in the meantime, they have YOU ... so they will be FINE.