STBX not a jerk, not even close..

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2008
STBX not a jerk, not even close..
2
Mon, 05-19-2008 - 9:49am

I'm a newbie here...just hoping to see if there is anyone who has been in a similar situation, because I am choked with guilt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2007
Mon, 05-19-2008 - 4:26pm

Yes, I feel I am in your shoes right now. I know it's terrible, but I believe everyone deserves to be happy. Both of you deserve to be happy. You can release him to find that happiness and he can release you. I keep telling my husband that there is someone else out there that will make him so happy and will love him just as he is. And they will connect on a level that we never have. He thinks I'm crazy and that he should just stay with the mother of his children. I haven't been able to say "It's OVER" yet, but I know it's better for each of us.

Good luck. There are at least a few of us on here in that situation. Just look for the posts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2005
Mon, 05-19-2008 - 11:45pm
I am in the same ship as you. My H is a really good man. He wasn't very attentive for many years and never really paid attention to me or our girls until I separated from him but all in all a really good person. So yes, I am ripping his heart out as I type being he is not living here and I am tearing our family apart as well. I will always love him but just not in the way that either of us deserve. Most people tell me that divorce is not the answer but living a lie to me is so far form the answer and probably worse then a divorce. What would that be for me to teach my daughters. And for the past month that we have been separated... the girls actually want to see him and ask to see him, and miss him. He wasn't around even when he was physically here. And now he is forced to be with them without any help and sees how wonderful they are and they notice it too. So in a way it seems like it is all sort of better for some reason. We talk more and we get along more. I don't want to stay in it longer and then end it on a horrible note. I want us to be civil, still be able to love each other enough where the girls are not harmed. I wish I knew what to say. I know I am breaking his heart but to me it just isn't fair to him, myself, or the kids to be living a lie. Because one day down the road someone is going to break. I was null and void for so long and I did snap and said enough is enough. That's it. I deserve better then this, I don't want to even kiss my own husband, I hate having sex with him, nor did I ever truly want to. Something is really wrong with that. It isn't fair. We go to our first counselor meeting tomorrow so we will see. I just as you do not feel that someone will be able to help me get my "feelings" back for him being I don't really honestly feel they were really there to begin with wholeheartedly. which too breaks my heart. I wish it was all a nightmare and their were no kids involved because I think that breaks my heart even more. And I hope that we can all get through this. because it is all one crazy mess I can not wait to get through and resolve.