STBX tying up his salary

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
STBX tying up his salary
11
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 8:59pm

My stbx has reduced his take home pay by adding dental and vision insurance, upping the contribution to his flexible spending plan (reimburses non-covered medical expenses) and proposes moving out in less than a month (by renting an apt. which would reduce his salary by another $1500!!!!)

Including the rent, he will reduce his monthly net income to less than the state-mandated minimum the court would require him to pay for spousal and child support based on his gross salary. He gets credit for the insurance premiums for the kids, but they don't need dental or vision insurance. And he doesn't make all the medical co-payments he'd get reimbursed for; *I* do!!!!

Has anyone had this experience?

If the court gives me everything left after his rent (which is less than the minimum mandated by law), he will have no money for utilities, food etc. Not that the spousal and child support will cover the mortgage and home equity loan, either; leaving me and the kids no money for utilities and food.

I know ... I will be calling my lawyer in the morning (fat lot of good she has been so far) ... looking for yet another new one.

Anyway, love to hear from you if you have had a similar experience!

M

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Tue, 01-23-2007 - 10:51pm

I would check with your state rules on child support. In my state, only taxes like fed, state, soc sec, and medicare are deducted before a 'net income' is determined. That net income is what is used in the support calculations. Expenses like rent, medical for himself, and the other things you list and even 401K contributions do NOT count. So his deductions are only going to hurt him his cash flow, not your support.

I don't think its going to hurt you, just him!

Mary

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 12:21pm

M - do you have a paystub/receipt to show what his take home pay was before he made these changes to the insurance aspect? Will it show on your bank deposits to a joint account? If so print it off or get a copy and tuck it away. I have been told that the courts really frown upon manipulation of income etc.

Hang in there M (((((hugs))))))

Rose

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 12:42pm

Yeah, I think what you say mostly applies here except here they give the spouse credit for any insurance premium they pay on behalf the kids (with the three diff. insurances he got that's around $400 a month, just for that portion he could claim covers the kids) and I bet they'd give credit for the flexible spending money, too -- that's another $200 a month; of course *I* am the one who pays all those non-covered medical expenses *he* get reimbursed for!

And now he wants to move out in less than a month when we have no separation agreement/financial agreement, much less a custody agreement done ... nightmare!

Thanks for the input!

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 12:43pm

No pay stub (they go to him at work), but I have our bank records.

How are you doing? How is the counseling going? Where do things stand? Would like to hear!

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 1:21pm

Another idea, can you find out what insurance (all the kinds he added) costs if its only for him. then compare it to the total he is paying. The difference is what the kids portion costs.

Mary

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 1:54pm

Just playing devil's advocate here.

I'm not sure what the point would be to take the flexible spending account if he is not going to use it because flexible spending accounts you lose if you don't use it by the end of the year so if he says he's going to spend say $300 dollars in medical bills in the year and he doesn't, then he loses that money, so why would he do that, it's to his detriment and once you sign up for it you are locked in.

If you have the kids covered on your insurance that's one thing, but he still needs insurance for himself, so if initially you had him covered on your insurance, he may not be trying to screw you, he may be just be covering himself with dental and vision.

For example, I covered the insurance when my husband and I were married, once he and I were talking about divorcing, I took him off my insurance and he signed the paperwork to get him off much to his parents dismay because then he had NOTHING to cover him if something was to happen to him, if he was on your insurance than he might just be preparing for you taking him off. If you don't cover his insurance currently it's a moot point but you didn't say one way or the other.

As far as the apartment thing, if you two are headed for divorce. Well to be honest, I think it's logical for someone to move out.

I would just call the lawyer, it doesn't necessarily mean he's trying to be malicious.

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 2:57pm

Hi M - The bank statements will help - they will show how much money was deposited into your account each pay period - it will be obvious what the difference is with the new insurances he has added.

As for us... H has decided that he has made a grave mistake and wants me back.....Under normal circumstances that would be wonderful. However - due to the abusive behaviours he demonstrated (verbal, emotional, physical intimidation, etc (he did not physcially touch me but there were times I was afraid). I do not feel comfortable getting back into the swing of things with him until he gets the counselling that I feel he needs. We have an appointment with his counsellor for the first week of Feb. He was hoping that we could see her next week - he wants things back to normal right now. I spoke with his counsellor on the phone today and she confirmed that it is a long long road to recovery for people (usually men) who abuse. In most cases the the road to change is so long that most men do not complete the counselling - they just give up. I know for the sake of my security and that of my girls - he will need to demonstrate some consistently good behaviour towards me before I will feel comfortable enough to get back together. Right now when he is around I still have a tremendous feeling of anxiety - so I know the time is not right for me. I have to do what is right for me. H had originally agreed to go to counselling when he moved out at the beginning of Jan but then he arbitrarily changed his mind. If he wants to win my heart back - counselling is a must to see if we can overcome these many many obstacles that are standing in our way of having a happy normal mutually beneficial relationship. Having said all that.....H is going to Vegas next week so I suspect all of his desire to reconsile will start to evaporate.... we'll have to wait and see....

Rosecolouredspecs
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 7:11pm

Ny,


Your Ex can spend all he wants; what the court will look at is what he reports on the 1040 tax form. It doesn't matter what he diverts his income to, it matters what he makes.


Talk to your lawyer for further clarification.


Good luck,

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 10:28pm

Way to be strong!! Atta girl! Takes courage to take it slow. Wow oh wow, if he can be a grown up and really work hard wouldn't that be incredible and a blessing ... it is possible that 30 years from now you will look back on your marriage and say "hey, didn't we do a great job and work hard and reap great blessings ..."

My sil and her h almost split; he was violent and drank and ..., but after failing a couple of times, he pulled it together and they are doing really well. So well they decided to affirm their relationship with another baby ...

You never know.

I will say prayers!

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2006
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 11:14pm
Hi M - Thanks for your note. I know the odds are really against us but I guess I am hanging on to that thread of hope that maybe things could work out and be just wonderful. His mood flips around a LOT! He wants things back on track right now and I am sticking to my guns in slowing him down. Today he called me and said that it is just too hard to go slow - although he is trying to understand and respect my wishes, he has decided he just has to move on. He said that hopefully when I decide that I am ready he hopes he will still be in that same frame of mind. I have said that that is a chance I am going to have to take. he said fine but that he wasn't sure he would keep the counselling appoint. Then tonight he called to ask me on a 'date' for next week. Hde is all over the map and once he finds out just how much counselling is needed under the circumstances (the fact that his behaviour has been cut and dried abusive) he will be very upset). I have tried to prepare him - so has his counsellor but neither one of us thinks he grasps the true concept just yet. Did your brother in law get some help? I keep seeing stats that only 1% of men are able to change under these circumstances.... the odds are not good but still worth a shot.
Rosecolouredspecs

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