STBX's incessant cruelty ...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2006
STBX's incessant cruelty ...
2
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 5:57pm

argh!!

WHEN will it allll just stop, be over with. yesterday called STBX to ask if he would assist with preparing twin DSs for 6th grade (e.g., school supplies, uniform costs, shoes, etc.), which i traditionally handle each year, yet, this year, things are drastically different. he hasn't seen or financially assisted our sons since june 6.

yet, STBX is being soooo difficult, iterated that since "i have custody" (WTH, he told me to come pick them up, raise them myself and good luck with that!!) of the boys that essentially, all the responsibilities are mine & that he doesn't want to deal with me & he's not paying anything until i file and the courts make him pay. well, i'll finally have the money for my atty's retainer by next week & that's exactly what i'm doing.

but i just truly, truly fail to understand HOW a man can go from raising and interacting with his sons 24/7 to not having anything to do with them--at all, no matter how hurtful and confusing it is to his sons??!! and that he's sooo not affected by anything, in fact, he continues on happily, is in love, runs a $15K a month business, has 2 luxury cars, owns a home, and goes back and forth out of town spending gobs of money on skank GF, while my sons and me are emotionally bankrupt!!

where is justice and karma when you need them; i'm exhausted ... even with counseling, this is oh so challenging & painful ...

Avatar for susieyippin
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2003
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 6:36pm

Hey Write-girlie,

From reading your post--

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-- it sounds to me like your STBX is the one who is emotionally bankrupt. Keep up the good work that you're doing with you and your sons. It will pay off in the end. Hopefully your lawyer will hekp you get your STBX to pay you what you rightfully deserve, and the court eill catch him in his shenanigans. Try and keep track of what he spends and document everything! You'll get through this. Sometimes karma takes a long time in coming around. But when it does, BWAHAHAH! :-)

Hugs,
Susie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2006
Wed, 07-19-2006 - 6:40pm

I totally know where you are coming from. I say the same thing all the time. How can he go from seeing and interacting with his 3 children everyday to pretty much nothing at all--no visits no phone calls. He calls once every few weeks and takes them---well lets see since May 22nd he has had them twice for a total of 5 hours. Hasnt talked to them much more. I just dont get it. He uses them as a way to get to me and that is it. He will say things like "Well if you arent going to talk to me then I guess you can tell the kids i'll talk to them in three weeks" and he sticks to it. Talking is one thing harassing (which is what he does) is another.
He says things like "you wanted custody of them, so you deal with it, its not my problem"

It drives me crazy! If the tables were turned and it was me being the one with visitation, i would do everything in my power to have them as much as I possibly could. I would rearrange my entire life and schedule around them. Not them around my life. Its like he never REALLY cared.

Hope things get better for you.