still in love with him and heartbroken

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
still in love with him and heartbroken
1
Fri, 06-03-2005 - 12:50pm

Hi everyone

I've posted before about my STBX. We separated 4 months ago, I have a new boyfriend who is wonderful and treats me like a princess. However, even though my STBX had lots of problems and treated me pretty badly, I am really missing him now. We've talked alot the past month, taken our dogs for some walks together and he's opened up to me alot. We have been getting along really good- as friends. I never want to go back to a relationship like we had while we were together, so I thought maybe we were better as friends. A few days ago he announced he was moving out of the province and he left the next day. I went to see him the morning he left and when I was leaving, we hugged and I noticed he was starting to cry so of course I started to cry. He said he was so sad and that he was really going to miss me. I cried all the way home in the car after I left. It brought up all these feelings I thought were gone. So he left and that night he called and left a message on my voicemail. He confessed he still loves me and thats why he hasn't been able to move on, cause his heart is still next to mine. He said moving away from me in the same city is one thing, but moving away forever is completely different. He said by telling me this he knows it could complicate things, but he had to tell me he still loves me.
Now this really threw me for a loop cause he was never the person to come out and confess his true feelings. Hearing this broke my heart again cause I realized I still love him and now he is gone. But now I feel torn between him and my new bf. I know my new bf is the right guy for me- he loves me, he is caring, considerate, responsible, sensible. My STBX was not right for me in the fact that he had addiction problems and other problems. But I know he did love me- in whatever way he could.
He just phoned me to let me know he got there safely and I started crying on the phone and so did he. Now I am sitting at work crying and its embarassing. My friend came in here and said "why are you crying over him? Don't waste your tears on him. Did he say something to you?" and that made me cry more and I said "Its not that. I still love him"

So what do I do? How do you get over someone that you are in love with but know you can't be with them?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
Fri, 06-03-2005 - 12:58pm

This is JMO, but if you are trying to get over your feelings for someone but don't want to reconcile with that person, I think time and space are what you need. Continuing contact with someone in the way you have with your STBX doesn't give either of you a chance to heal. You're both confused because although you're officially friends, when you're together your relationship hasn't totally transitioned into just friendship - you both still expect each other to act out some of the parts of the roles of husband and wife. Your STBX moving away may be what you both need to truly move on with your lives.

-sang