Stop this ride, I want to get off!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2007
Stop this ride, I want to get off!
3
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 11:14pm

It has been almost 8 months since my xh told me he was leaving me and our two small children. The first few months were horrible but I've been doing a lot better since then...that is, until now. Let me just start out by saying that I'm glad our marriage is over. Now that I am out of it I know that I deserve so much better. The problem is the ow. She is 14 years younger than him and they started "flirting" (he swears there was nothing physical until after he told me our marriage was over) a month or two before he left me. This has been the hardest pill to swallow for me. When will I get over the humiliation and feelings of betrayal? The kicker is she has now met his parents and he wants to introduce her to me now so that he can introduce her to our kids (that was our deal). I don't want this little princess anywhere near me let alone my kids. I just feel sick inside. I feel like a fool and that I've been replaced. Why is it so hard for me to get over the fact that she is part of his life and therefore part of his family's life now? I am so angry. So VERY angry. I'm not angry with his parents. What are they going to do? It's their son after all. I know they love me and would do anything for me. I just can't help but feel so jealous and rejected that he is starting to introduce this little girl to people I was family with for over 16 years. I know she probably won't be mean to my kids - she'll probably suck up to them to make them like her - I just don't want another woman in their lives. I'm their mother and I don't want to share them. That sounds awfully selfish, I know but dammit I didn't want this.

Thanks for letting me vent a little. Any advice on how to get through the meeting would be helpful. I plan to let her know exactly how I feel about her and then I guess from that moment on I have to be the bigger person and be civil for my kids' sake. Ugh, why is it so easy for that jerk to move on after 16 years together. I just feel like such a fool and that I meant nothing to him. The funny thing is I do NOT want him back under any circumstances but I hate seeing him happy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 3:41am
It isn't easy being replaced is it?! I am in a similar situation. After 6 years of marriage, 7 together to a man I totally trusted...I found out that he cheated on me. I wanted to forgive him...we had adopted a little girl from China 5 months before...but he decided he wanted just wanted the OW. He wants her to replace me as wife and mom. She is 9 years younger and a co-worker of his. I found out yesterday that although I have only been out of the house with divorce filed by him just over a month ago, that they are moving in together already....divorce not final until maybe next month (90 day process). I am so angry and hurt at the same time! It is all such a shock...the cheating, the divorce, my daughter staying with him because I wasn't allowed to take her out of state... Now at the age of 50 instead of being home with my daughter and waiting the 3 years for him to retire and travel like we'd planned, I am looking for a job again, have only a bit of a retirement because we cashed mine all in to adopt and pay bills. And she is moving into my house and living my life. So I really understand your feeling of wanting to tell her off, and your disappointment with his family, etc. I don't know how to tell you to deal with it, but just wanted to say I feel for you. And I'm hear whenever you need to vent or talk.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2007
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 10:07am

I guess I would just say that when you meet her, no matter what you think of her, hold your head up high, be polite, cordial, have confidence and show her what an amazing woman you are. I know it won't be easy, but you'll get through it.

My xh remarried about 6 weeks after our divorce was final to a woman he'd only known for three months (with 4 kids of her own). I've kept in touch with one of my sister-in-laws from his side and will always be friends with her. I've often thought that its so weird that I knew these people, was in the family and then suddenly, without notice, I don't ever see or talk to them again. Over the weekend, one of my nieces (his side) saw me in the grocery store and called my name a few times and came over and gave me a big hug and was genuinely excited to see me! She's only 11 and it felt good that her mom then came over and talked to me, so I know they don't hold bad feelings towards me (I think they realize where the problems were). Like you, I find it weird that they have already met his new wife and it's like someone stepped right into my shoes, but I've come to realize my shoes will always be too big for her.

Keep your chin up and try to take the high road and show the OW that she is just that, the other woman!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-31-2007
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 7:22pm
It really is a hard when you not only have to deal with being left, but also deal with betrayal. I struggled very hard the first year my ex left for his "thing". Its now been 6 years since the day he left, and I did "survive". I did make it. But I am not completely 100% "over it". He still plays a lot of controlling games. A good website to visit if you haven't already is www.survivinginfidelity.com .