stressed

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2004
stressed
2
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 6:18pm

So my boyfriend of a year and a half has been going through a divorce for sometime know and his ex is being a real pain. She's the one at fault cus she cheated on him multiple times when he was overseas serving in iraq. they tried to do a disolution first and she kept screwing around and wouldn't finish anything so he finally got fed up and filed for a divorce. since they have been split they have had an agreement on custody (nothing from the courts) he gets her tues, thurs, and every other weekend. Now that he got fed up and filed she filed for temporary custody and she only wants us to have her for a few hours on wed and everyother weekend. They have already talked to the counselor and know we just have to wait. He is very upset that he might loose seeing her as much and i'm trying to be supportive cus i dont want to loose her either but i find myself wanting to break down too. Sometimes i get so stressed that i think i need happy pills or something. I was just wondering if anyone had any suggestions or advice about any of it. She's only do this because she wants to hurt him and she wants more money for child support. She's not thinking of the childs best interest. Thanks for any help you have.

Nikki

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2005
In reply to: splshbug
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 8:08pm

My advice would be for you to stay out of it as much as possible. I'm sorry you're feeling part of the pain and that the ex is being difficult, but you have started a relationship with a man not already divorced and that means you're along for the ride.

I'm not trying to speak for anyone else here, but as far as from the wife's perspective it's really annoying to have your ex get involved immediately with someone, start playing house, and then you not only have your ex to contend with, but his new gf too, who in many cases asserts her new position and behaves as if she has some right to your children.

You only see/know your bf's side. Maybe he is perfectly innocent and his ex is a raving lunatic, but there are two sides to every story. You probably don't know all she went through in their marriage and all of her reasons for cheating on him. And I am certainly not advocating nor making excuses for a cheater.

So, I'm sorry you're stressed, but your job is to be there for your boyfriend to lean on, not be a third party in the divorce. That is between your bf and his wife. And I wouldn't accuse the wife of caring more about child support than her child seeing her father. There may be more issues at hand here. Perhaps that daddy got involved immediately with a new woman and mom may be afraid of being replaced?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2004
In reply to: splshbug
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 10:02pm
thanks for your advice. trust me i know i'm not their daughter's mother and i would never try to take that away from her. I do try to keep quit but sometimes its hard because he wants me to put my input in and stuff like that. I'm not saying he is innocent by anymeans but i do have input from her friends and his that confirms most of what he tells me. i know i got myself into this cus i knew from the start what was going on. i just get so flustered sometimes with everything i just dont know how to deal. plus the ex makes little comments just to get me going also so that doesn't help. i try to be the bigger person and blow her off but at times i just want to strangle her. (not literally) Thanks for your help.