stressed and need to vent

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2005
stressed and need to vent
2
Fri, 08-25-2006 - 3:08pm
I apologize ahead of time this could be long because I might not be able to stop once I get started.First can someone please tell me how my stbx can think that his cs pays any where close to even making a dent in the expenses of 16 year old dd but if you asked him he thinks he is paying for everything.Where do they come up with 20% of income for child support?We separated in may 05 and he has paid nothing but child support and that is because I had it taken directly out of his check.I learned my lesson the first time he didnt pay because he said he didnt have any money after he says he paid his bills but im sure most of it was spent in the bar and im sure he couldnt miss a payment on his brand new harley.Any way it is now august 06 and im still no where closer to this divorce being final than I was then.I have been paying all the extra expenses for dd like car repair,car insurance,and all the other expenses that come with a teenager.I have also been paying homeowners insurance,property taxes,house payment on a house that he continually reminds me that his name is on the deed.I have come to the conclusion that stbx is a worthless piece of crap but what is really upsetting me is how my attorney is doing nothing about this.Everytime I tell him about all this he just blows it off and acts like its no big deal.I would like to see him try to pay the bills on my income.I knew I would never be able to refinance the house on my own so dd and I moved out and it has now been sitting empty since june but im still paying all the expenses on it.I think know that moving out before this was all final was a mistake but had to do what was best for dd and I.She couldnt stand living there she would never say why just that she wanted a change but I think probably had alot to do with the memories.It was the only home she ever knew and I was certainly ready for a change so when a very nice townhouse came open I couldnt pass it up.We had been looking and the market was terrible everything was overpriced and a dump so I didnt feel like I could pass it up.We are very happy in our new place but I just cant keep up expenses for 2 places.Im getting so angry with my lawyer that if I could afford it I would hire a different one.I filed for divorce in July 05 and nothing has happened.I have shown up for court twice and got the runaround from my lawyer about it being rescheduled but some how stbx knew not to show up.I thought the end was in sight and trial was suppose to be August 18th and then it got postponed until Oct 10th and I wont believe that until it happens.Im also upset with myself for ever thinking that this was going to be a simple divorce like it was suppose to be and I have kept virtually no documentation on all the expenses I have paid.When we each turned in our list of person assets I didnt even care that he hadnt listed everything or that during this he sold his boat because it was suppose to be what he took was his and the rest was mine now that he has found out that im entitiled to half of his 401k and intend to go after it he wants everything appraised.I know this is only going to work against him because he is the one with all the expensive toys and tools but im still so worry about something going wrong and me ending up with nothing because of me not handling things the way I should have from the start.We made a proposal and of course he turned it down and doesnt even think that he should have to pay any kind of maintenence even though he makes 3 times more than me and we were married or I should say still married for 18 years.He hasnt had any contact with dd since fathers day and has the nerve to ask why she hasnt called or come over and if she wasnt going to contact him he was having her cell turned off.On her birthday he sent her a text saying happy birthday and that was it nothing about getting together or anythingbut I dont know why I would expect anything else.dd has been seeing a counselor and he told her that she has done everything she can to try and have a relationship with him and that she is better off having no contact with him.I said that a year ago.I also met a girl in divorcecare that has become one of my bestfriends if not my best friend and she is moving out of state in the next month or two so im really upset about that.I had really got my hopes up about a new position at work but then when I talked to them about it the job was worse than what im doing now and no more money so I decided to change my attitude about the dept im in and stay where im at.Ok im done venting and if you made it this far thank you so much for listening.Im sure we are all in the same boat so if anybody has any advise on how to deal with all this I would welcome your comments.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2004
Sat, 08-26-2006 - 12:06am

Hi, I guess it all depends on what state you are in... I am in Michigan. If there are so many expenses outside the childsupport, is it possible to appeal the court to incrase the amount of the child support? We can do that here in Michigan for free, by appealing to Judge with interim. I heard it will fix the problem before the divorce is finalized.

On the other note, about 401K and the rest of the asset, I know a lady, again here in Michigan, who finished a divorce and reopened a case as they overlooked the retirement plans. You may want to check with someone other than your current attorney if that is possible with your case or in your state?

Sometimes, going to court and asking questions to clarks may help you find some alternatives. Since your attorney is useless, you can meet with other attorneys and ask them what they would do. They will give you 1-hour free consultation, so during that meeting, you can tell them you are looking for another attorney and would like to know what he/she would do to close the case? Tell them you will get back with them once you screen several other attorneys? I cannot give you any legal advice, but I have to agree that you should be concerned about your attorney... You may want to dig in some information yourself. Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2004
Sat, 08-26-2006 - 10:57am
HUGS! That is a lot to deal with all at once. I think the best thing you can do for yourself right now is to cut yourself some slack. Allow yourself to feel bad, angry, upset, etc. Also, I know it costs money, but I would start getting more pushy with your attorney so the divorce case moves forward. Other than that, I know things are very rough right now, you ARE surviving. You should be proud of the strength you are showing.