Struggling to pick up the pieces! =(

Hello,

I have been divorced since June 2010 and still feel I am not over it. It wasn't a bad divorce but the events that happened after was a NIGHTMARE, not to mention the nightmare of being told by your partner they don't want to be married anymore.

My ex left after 9 mos of marital counseling. He didn't want to try and work it out when I would've given anything to do that. We were married 8 yrs. Well, he left the same week I got laid off from my job and I couldnt find work to save my life. I suffered so much.....even doing w/out food because there was no $ and he barely helped. Our son was 17 at the time.

He has always been the type to know how to wipe the slate clean....would do whatever to make sure he was ok. He seemed cold-hearted at times. I could half way see if I had been a terrible wife but I wasn't. My family was first in my life, I worked full time, cleaned, cooked, did all the errands, I didn't hang out w/friends or cheat, do drugs, smoke or drink excessively. My life was work and come home fix dinner, etc. He even admitted I was a good wife during one of our talks after the separation. I gave up trying to rationalize "why" after I realized he wasn't going to give me a concrete answer..... but my life has been COMPLETELY turned upside down from this and I'm still trying to pick up the pieces.

We had a house together...went into foreclosure, I also had a vehicle repossessed, had to file bankruptcy because I couldn't find work for 7 mos, and since I have no family here I had to ask around to stay w/someone. I also lost everything in the house....had to sell things to buy food, pay bills, etc. He always had a good job though. I am working now but being I took the job out of desperation it's not the best job nor can it sustain me. My earnings aren't enough to get an apartment so I am living w/my son's g'friend and mom. They were sweet enough to take me in. All I do is look for better jobs. In the city I live in there aren't many...which is why I've been planning on leaving but that entails lots of planning and $ too.

I feel like such a failure!! I cant believe how devastating this divorce has been to my life. I have nothing! I try so hard to keep a positive attitude and keep moving forward but starting over in an economy that isn't flourishing is so difficult and at times I feel like giving up the fight....just don't want to live anymore.

Thanks for listening!