Struggling to pick up the pieces! =(

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2001
Struggling to pick up the pieces! =(
10
Tue, 06-28-2011 - 4:11pm

Hello,

I have been divorced since June 2010 and still feel I am not over it. It wasn't a bad divorce but the events that happened after was a NIGHTMARE, not to mention the nightmare of being told by your partner they don't want to be married anymore.

My ex left after 9 mos of marital counseling. He didn't want to try and work it out when I would've given anything to do that. We were married 8 yrs. Well, he left the same week I got laid off from my job and I couldnt find work to save my life. I suffered so much.....even doing w/out food because there was no $ and he barely helped. Our son was 17 at the time.

He has always been the type to know how to wipe the slate clean....would do whatever to make sure he was ok. He seemed cold-hearted at times. I could half way see if I had been a terrible wife but I wasn't. My family was first in my life, I worked full time, cleaned, cooked, did all the errands, I didn't hang out w/friends or cheat, do drugs, smoke or drink excessively. My life was work and come home fix dinner, etc. He even admitted I was a good wife during one of our talks after the separation. I gave up trying to rationalize "why" after I realized he wasn't going to give me a concrete answer..... but my life has been COMPLETELY turned upside down from this and I'm still trying to pick up the pieces.

We had a house together...went into foreclosure, I also had a vehicle repossessed, had to file bankruptcy because I couldn't find work for 7 mos, and since I have no family here I had to ask around to stay w/someone. I also lost everything in the house....had to sell things to buy food, pay bills, etc. He always had a good job though. I am working now but being I took the job out of desperation it's not the best job nor can it sustain me. My earnings aren't enough to get an apartment so I am living w/my son's g'friend and mom. They were sweet enough to take me in. All I do is look for better jobs. In the city I live in there aren't many...which is why I've been planning on leaving but that entails lots of planning and $ too.

I feel like such a failure!! I cant believe how devastating this divorce has been to my life. I have nothing! I try so hard to keep a positive attitude and keep moving forward but starting over in an economy that isn't flourishing is so difficult and at times I feel like giving up the fight....just don't want to live anymore.

Thanks for listening!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Wed, 06-29-2011 - 11:15am

It sounds like it's been an incredibly frustrating time for you and I don't blame you one bit for not being over your divorce yet.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2001
Wed, 06-29-2011 - 12:36pm
Did u not getting any $$ from the divorce settlement? I feel for you being so down and out. I am sure it is so difficult being in your situation. Try to remember that its only temporary and someday things will pick up for you. I personally feel if you keep thinking about the divorce putting you in this situation, you won't be able to get out of situation due to self pity. Don't always think the grass is greener on your X's side. He may have $$ but his life can truly suck. Try to think of things you are grateful for (your son, health) and remember there are those that have it worse. I know that may not make you feel better but maybe it will. Hopefully this is only a rough patch for you and when you get through it, you'll be better off. Sometimes we need to struggle to get to better things. Look into state programs to see if there is any assiatance you can get to get you back on your feet. I truly hope things turn around for you sooner than later.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2001
Sat, 07-02-2011 - 4:03pm

Juice113....thank you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2001
Sat, 07-02-2011 - 4:07pm

CMTasha....yes, it has been frustrating but I am taking it one day at a time and feeling good today for what I have accomplished so far. I have to remind myself not to dwell on the past and to appreciate what has been given to me to allow me to move on. It takes time.....but I feel optimistic and I will persevere.

Thank you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2001
Sat, 07-02-2011 - 4:14pm

Juice113.....i got just $2000 which was half of his 401k but had to use it all to pay bills. There wasn't any alimony. Sadly, at the time I was in such a zoned out state and so utterly weak emotionally I couldn't fight it....I have never felt so numb and depressed. Soon after I had to go to the doctor for meds it got so bad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Tue, 07-05-2011 - 8:50am

I'm glad to hear you're working hard to preserve your mental health!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-08-2011
Fri, 07-08-2011 - 11:30pm
I, too, feel like I'm struggling to pick up the pieces. I am trying to focus on one thing at a time. Right now, it sounds like your biggest concern is finding a new job. Throw yourself into that, and give yourself a break on some other things. When I was married, I felt like I was great at multitasking. Now, I feel like a failure...so out of control. When I focus on little things, I can manage better.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2001
Tue, 07-19-2011 - 4:37pm

Cmtasha.....doc visit went well. He gave me anti-anxiety meds....I also had anti depressants but stopped those as I didnt want to get hooked and my depression came and went. Over time, it lessened although today I still get it but it's more of a "feeling blue" bad day kind of thing now. Much better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2001
Tue, 07-19-2011 - 4:43pm

Yes, Newnikie, I am in the same boat. Those feelings of being a failure come and go. I try to focus what I have done in my life that makes me feel good - a Bachelors degree, 2 great children, caretaker for my mom before she passed - None of us are failures....but divorce and separation tends to touch something so deep inside. We devote a lot of energy to our partners when we're with them. When that ends we feel empty....like a deflated balloon because they filled such a huge part of us; however, there will be others we can give to and love will brighten our lives again one day.

One day at a time....one task at a time. Thank you for your post!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Wed, 07-20-2011 - 7:43am

Good to hear you're feeling a little better, and I hope you will continue to stop by for some support and encouragement.

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