Struggling today...
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| Tue, 05-16-2006 - 8:25pm |
Hey everyone...
I'm having a rough one today...
Its been another rough couple of weeks... Joey's daycare is closing (they told us two weeks ago and it closes next Friday--no notice)... and I've been on the rollar coaster of how can they do this on such short notice... to the hope of registering (or at least putting myself on a wait list) at the daycare that my daycare has recommended... to get a call from them yesterday saying that they did not have any space available and would not be able to help us out (and my panicking--trying to let go of the situation, releasing it as it is out of my hands)... to finally doing that last night... to get a call from the daycare that had told us yesterday there were no spaces to hear that they were looking at all the children they were turning down and there is enough of them to make a new class... so that's what they'll be doing... whew... huge sign of relief... one hurdle over...
Then I go to see my boss for my review... we do this monthly, so we both stay right on top of what each other is thinking... the problems we may be having... things we can improve on, etc... I have a good relationship with my boss and can say anything to him... it is a very open relationship... and after going through all my performance things, which all received glowing reviews, we attempted to discuss a scheduling issue that is going to rear its ugly head very soon...
This issue actually started back in March, when our season schedules were assigned... with five years on the job, I am still the low man on the totem pole in my position, not skill level wise, but seniority... I wound up with a schedule that will work on every day but one day... and the reason it will not work is because it is the one day a week that my Mom cannot pick up Joey because she has to work late. The after school program at his pre-K will be over at 6 pm and I get off at 6, at least a half hour away... I have been discussing this issue with my boss, the other manager from the department and the director of the department since it started in March... '
The initial scheduling meeting was quite intimidating and was a cluster you know what... I left the meeting without choosing a schedule, since none of them would work for me, but instead having one assigned... I left the meeting and cried for about two hours, unable to believe that this company and department that I had worked for several years was doing this. I like my job and like what I do...
I have told them that I need to get off at 5 on Thursday... that I would be willing to make up the time any other day, by working early or late... but they are completely unwilling to budge. They say that they have to treat all of us the same and cannot show favoritism because I have a child. If they let me re-arrange my schedule because I have a child, they will have to let X take off early because he wants to play softball at this time and Y off early because she has to wash her dogs (boss' words exactly)... They are expecting me to put my job before my family, even though I am one of the top performers and am willing to do whatever to have that one hour off... however they are completely unflexible... although my boss promises that things will be better in 2007... (my response was, sure it will be, if you have any employees left)...
In the meantime, management has advised that I can take an hour of my vacation for each Thursday that I need to leave early... I feel that this is punishing me for having a child, knowing that this would not even be an issue in any other department and this request has been laughed at by friends in other departments who feel this is ridiculous... I do not feel that this is a reasonable offer--it would involve me using almost a full week of vacation (throughout the course of the year) just so I could pick up my son from school... and they say its going to get better... but when? how? they can't give details or a date, so why should I believe them?
The thing is, that this brings back my feelings of anger with my divorce and my xh. The reason why I have to get off earlier on Thursday is so I can pick up my child from school... my xh has washed is hands of any responsibility with our son... has seen him twice in the past six months... is more than 10K in child support arrears (haven't gotten that tax refund YET)... and when I spoke to him several weeks ago about just needing a break and wanting to send Joey there for a few weeks so I could have a break was... you know my schedule will not allow for that... I mean, wtf? So there he is, able to do what he wants to do, when I cannot even seem to work for this company, where I've worked for almost 5 years, because of one hour on Thursdays?
I've applied for a position in another department... it isn't like this company wide, but I just submitted my application on Friday... but if I don't get it, I don't think that I'll have any choice but to resign... I really want to resign (as in tomorrow, if I hadn't applied for this other job)... on the other hand, I want this to work out--I want things to be better, but I can't be for certain that they will be... although, I did ask my boss if his gut feeling was things would improve and he said they would... but it won't be until 2007... which is a long ways away with school starting here in GA in mid-August...
Ladies, I truly don't know what to do... I don't want to quit, but I cannot work under these conditions... I give my all, stay when they need me to stay late, go the extra mile... but they're not willing to work it out... we've all ready lost two senior people (like myself) since March over this issue and they could quite easily lose another... plus, I leave and two others in my same position have all ready advised that they will not be there for long because they'll be overwhelmed with work... not to mention what it says about the entire department, expecting job over family...
I'd appreciate any thoughts, ideas, suggestions that you may have...
*hugs*
Julie

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I was looking for a link from our local news station for a story I saw this morning when Iwas getting ready, and I couldn't find it.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
What a week you've had! And I am about to go on a rant....
I will NEVER understand why employers refuse to be flexible in a VERY minor way (as in your case) in order to retain excellent employees. You are talking about ONE hour a week. They can't get a little creative and let you take shorter lunches a couple of days, or make up the hour at a different time? Come ON! It's not just about having a child....it's about having a life and responsibilities outside of work. If someone had an elderly family member they needed to help care for, they'd be in the same situation. It has NOTHING to do with softball or washing dogs (like your boss said)!
You have EVERY right to be angry at your ex about this. It's upsetting when you feel like you have to choose between your child and work. My ex always refused to take any time off when our son was sick or had an emergency. It put a lot of pressure on me, and often made me worry about my job. Fortunately, my employer is very flexible.
I'm really sorry you have to go through this. Maybe it is time to send a few resumes out there to test the waters.
Follow me to my partner in the siggy exchange....
Edited 5/17/2006 11:25 am ET by cl-justiceandtruth
And if it did have to do with softball and washing dogs..... well, being flexible within reason makes happy, more productive employees.
If it's something outlined in advance that's consistent.... I think it holds more merit.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Julie~
Just wanted to stop by and give you an extra hug today!
Hugs~ Lexi
"Shoot for the moon and if you miss you will still be among the stars" ~ Les Brown
Thanks for the information Karen... I really appreciate all your thoughts and prayers... it was such a day today... the morning started out just flat rotten...
I did decide to go and talk with my boss' equal, the other manager for my department, whom I have developed a good working relationship with since she joined the department a couple of months ago... she invited me to come to her with anything I needed to discuss and my boss knows I talk to her and he's OK with it... I'm not using her to go around him, but more to get a different perspective on the situation... she has been a single mom and has managed single moms a lot in her career... I feel that she respects the position and responsibilities I have as a single mom... she knows what it is like and I feel that she can relate more on my issues than my boss can, as a single unattached male, who just doesn't fully understand what the responsibility for a child is truly like... she is female... and no offense to the guys here, but sometimes men and women just communicate differently... after talking with her, I have gained a better perspective...
After talking with her, I feel that my boss' hands are tied tightly... but I'm not sure if they're tied by his boss or by HR... and so his attempt to offer me the opportunity for me to use my vacation was an attempt to meet me half way (even though I think it is ridiculous)... she re-iterated the fact that I am important to the department and that my boss has the upmost respect for me... I think she may have even used the word adores in relaying this to me... he hates discussing this with me because he knows how much it does effect me... that it is quite possible that I will wind up leaving the department... that his work load will increase if I do leave the department... and that he can't do anything to change it... and that he would do anything and everything to make this work out, if he could, but he can't...
She insists, as did he, that things will get better in 2007... I still do not have complete clarification on why it has to take that long, but more clarification nonetheless... She understands that I am coming to one of those crossroads in life where you sometimes change paths... I explained that I knew I was there, but I want to get as much information as possible so that I can make an informed decision...
The number of hours I would have to use through 2006 would be about 18, give or take... well, that's not all ~that~ bad, if it truly does lead to increased flexibility in 2007... and if nothing else, it will give me the chance to save up more so I'm more financially ready for the next change...
I haven't explained it all, but I can say that I felt so much better after meeting with her... there was a level of respect in the meeting I had today that I didn't feel yesterday with some of my boss' comments... I know he's a good guy at heart and I want to give him the benefit of the doubt...
Anyway, as always, know that I really appreciate your support...
*hugs*
Julie
Thanks for your support Christina... I have floated one resume, for an internal position that I would love to get... it is in a different department and would be rid of all of this mess... they are much more flexible in that department regarding scheduling...
I even broached the subject of getting my boss to give me a good recommendation should that opportunity come... he told me that he was almost insulted that I thought that he wouldn't give me a good one... it's not that... but with the way things have been going...
Thanks for validating my xh feelings... I really am over the vast majority of my anger towards him... did blink an eye when I heard of his plans to get married, but when he's slacking, ugh...
I really appreciate your support!
*hugs*
Julie
That sort of sounds like good news... bad news.
Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Thanks Lexi... I appreciate the extra thoughts today... I surely needed them...
*hugs*
Julie
Yeah, I mean, my conversation with the other manager certainly didn't leave me optimistic about this year, but it did provide more clarity in ways that my boss and I just weren't getting to... I'm sure it is just a communications thing between us... it is very open and I'll tell him how it is and vice versa, but he hasn't had to really deal with a difficult situation with me before or one where he is not able to do the right thing...
I told him yesterday that I take disappointment much better when I understand it... the reasons behind it and why it has to be this way... I'm not saying I fully understand, but I do get it more than I did after meeting with him...
Does this mean that I'm not going to look for something else? No... I want to see what is out there... does this mean that I'm going to stay in this position if things don't change? I don't know... ugh... I guess I've just walked into another limbo experience in the meantime at work... I would like to see how things will be changing for 2007 and it is still early... so, I guess only time will tell
*hugs*
Julie
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