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| Tue, 11-15-2005 - 4:46pm |
It's interesting now that I am going through a divorce I am dealing with an ex who is trying to get majority parenting time with the kids.
For years he would scream and yell at me and the kids and was quick to belittle us. Now the kids tell me he has "become" calm (probably because we don't have a permanent parenting schedule yet). He even told me that he feels he's the "better" parent because of this calming effect. Yeah, right - my 16 year old son has been in counseling since the end of 5th grade due to his father's verbal abuse. One other interesting thing to note is that he started going to church in the past few months! He hadn't attended since he was a little kid! He also says he cooks from scratch for the kids (no frozen foods). Then, to top things off, the kids told me last night that he now listens to their cool favorite radio station!
Looks like he's trying to score major brownie points. Anybody else divorcing a super dad with stories to share?
Bel

Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~
Hi Bel,
I can sympathize... my STBX was always a screamer, rant and rave, drama queen, who would melt down in front of the kids, give in to them, undermine me, belittle us... sounds like your ex too! STBX would give in to them, then blame me, or say that the kids would feel "guilty" for STBX caving to them, and adjust their behavior. He ALSO thinks he's the better parent, because the kids don't "act up" when they're at HIS place... Personally, I think the kids (18 and 9 y/o boys) act out with me because they're afraid of their father and his meltdowns/putdowns, and it's safer to act up around me instead.
He's giving the kids all sorts of treats... he gave our older son all kinds of vintage car parts (after STBX raided DS's savings bonds to buy himself treats); shows off in front of the kids by racing around in a muscle car; all of a sudden he's Mr. Wonderful since he moved out in May. I think he's telling the kids how hard it is for him... their mother is taking everything that he's worked for from him... it's so unfair... Mom is so mean... Unfortunately, the kids are falling for his pitiful act. He even told the kids, "if you want GOOD food, come over to MY place, since your mom won't cook for you."
Ohmygosh!!!!!!!
You're describing my ex to a "T"!!!!
My ex did NOTHING, NOTHING with the kids except to yell at them before the D. Now he's become Mr. Mom/SuperDad rolled into one, spoiling them like mad. I'm so frustrated with it all...
I firmly believe in my ex's case it is due to (a) not wanting to have to pay full child support and (b) trying to manipulate the kids into choosing him over me.
I tried to get him to go to church with me for years with no success. There, for a while, when he was searching for a wife, he was there every sunday, while swearing up and down a blue streak the other 23 hours of the day. Now that he's remarried, he only goes about 1x every other month.
I'm so fed up with this fake scene...
Edited 11/21/2005 3:18 pm ET by momsacupcake
Moms,
Yeah, I think he doesn't want to pay me child support, which is why he wants majority. I couldn't get him to go to church with me and the kids for years either. As far as finding a wife, I saw that he has put himself on Match.com. Maybe he's trying to find a woman at church too - - didn't think about that. I guess he's been playing a lot of darts with my daugther lately (which he never used to do). But if this makes him a better parent to my chilren, then maybe it's good that we're not parenting together anymore. All I know is that since I moved out my world is nice and peaceful (except when I have to talk to him concerning the kids) and I don't walk on eggshells anymore. What a wonderful feeling it is.
Hi zinnia--one of my favorite flowers, btw--so happy.
Yup, it took divorce in our family, too, for the kids to have a "real" Dad--what a shame. I guess he's a better father than he was a husband. And I totally "get" what the pp said about it hurting that he'll do it all without me when he wouldn't do it with me during the marriage. THAT is hard to swallow.
About the $$, my ex said he'd rather burn $$ than write me a check. Which he kinda did--he fought for full custody till all the funds I got in the property settlement were used up on legal fees--he even stated that was his objective. Now my attorney gets the use of that $$ instead of our kids. Another shame.
Oh, well...at least the kids have a good mom (like always) and a better dad now. I was more a single mom in the marriage than afterwards--Ironic--ain't it?
Cupcake
Cupcake,
Zinnia is one my favorite flowers too and that is where I came up with my board name.
MY STBX is happy to throw away money to the attorneys too, and I agree that it is a shame. All I'm asking for is 50/50 with the kids, my share of the equity, and some of the furniture from the house. Not an unfair request. I have yet to see any furniture from the house, nor has he moved to refi or sale the house, and I guess it'll be up to me to get my attorney to put a torch under his butt. He has locked up a good chunk of money away from me, which I think he is using to help pay the household bills, while I'm living off my paychecks that I earn to pay my rent. Concerning the kids, he is fighting me tooth and nail to have them most of the time. They're older and have already expressed an interest to spend half the time with me.
I feel like this divorce is going to take forever and will be soooo happy to have my freedom!!!! Next court date is December 14th to get permanent parenting schedule. I have a feeling when/if he finds a new girlfriend, Super Dad will be happy to let the kids spend more time with me.
Bel