Surreal feeling

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2006
Surreal feeling
5
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 10:04am

I got my contract from my attorney last night. Actually, it was sent to my new apartment, or I'd have had it sooner. I had to go pick it up (I don't move in until next weekend).

It was kind of a surreal feeling to see BC's name on the paper as the "adverse party." To see his name there... a weird feeling washed over me. Like I still can't believe this is happening.

I got all emotional over "what could have been" even though I know I was so unhappy. 15 years of my life... gone. Everything I have known since I was 16... gone. The man I once loved... now my enemy. The life I dreamed of having ... with him ... gone.

I'm not wavering. But it still has me sad right now. I know what I'm doing and why. The life I dreamed of isn't possible with him and I know that. But... it still hurts. My dream was shattered by verbal abuse.

I can be happy. I will be happy. Someday. Someday the pain will fade. But for today... I hurt. All because of a name on a piece of paper.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
In reply to: prgrl34
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 11:37am

Even when we want things and we know they're right... we're still sad that things got to that point.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
In reply to: prgrl34
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 2:24pm

HUGS!

We were talking in my irl support group about shattered future dreams ... all that could have, should have been that is lost ... I *know* how hard it is!

Time heals ... whether we want it to or not ...

I am just wondering how long it will take me to forgive ...

Hugs again!

M

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2006
In reply to: prgrl34
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 5:55pm

Filing must be in the air because I got my summons and petition in the mail the other night. It IS weird to see the paperwork, all formalized, even though I know this is a good step for both of us. So I have been allowing myself to be sad when I am rather than try to suppress it. My sad moments are less often now. My daughters are doing well, and I continue to monitor their coping with this. I throw myself into my work, and since I LVOE what I do, that makes it easy.

Although my STBX throws this out quite frequently, I refuse to say that I am throwing away XX years of my life. Every experience that we have is part of our lives. We are who we are as a result of all of that mixed together, good, bad, and indifferent. I will never regret having a baby young and marrying her father (my STBX) and successfully raising her to womanhood with him. He will always be in my life as my children's father.

I look at this as beginning a new chapter (cliche as that may sound). We will all survive this as long as we stay as positive as we can and focus on what's important.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
In reply to: prgrl34
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 6:08pm
Hang in there! I spent 30 yrs accepting the same thing from a man. Now he is leaving me for the OW.
hurt? oh yeah. like someone literally came along and ripped my heart out!
If your relationship has been hurting you this many years please dont end up where I am? I have been in your shoes before. 5 years ago, 10 years ago, 15 years ago, 20 years ago, 25 years ago.
we get sucked in and its like the frog. Put a frog in a pot of water and turn the heat on.........the water gets gradually hotter and hotter. The frog thinks this is not bad kinda nice at times but before he knows it the water is at a full boil and he is too weak to jump out.
The water is boiling for me and I am able to barely crawl out.
I would give anything to go back 15 years ago. gee I would only be 42.
Avatar for ppro
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
In reply to: prgrl34
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 10:07pm
OMG I felt like I was almost reading how I feel. This is my first post on the board... I am sitting here crying.... My husband left yesterday and really it started with me asking for a divorce back in Sept. He was verbally abusive and wow that is hard to explain to people... WHy am I sad... well the last ten years did mean something to me... I wish.. i tried...
I look forward to getting to know eveyrone a little better... hang in there.
Paula