Surviving the guilt trip

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2008
Surviving the guilt trip
3
Sat, 09-06-2008 - 9:24pm

Have any of you had to deal with your own parents giving you a guilt trip for not sticking with your marriage? When I finally told my parents I wanted to leave my husband due to years of emotional abuse, and his lack of working for the last 5 years, while I supported the family, they were supportive.

However now that my husband has gone to them sobbing and telling them how much he loves me and doesn't want the divorce I have been given a huge guilt trip. They believe him and they don't feel my reasons for wanting a divorce are valid. My parents want me to stay in the marriage because of the children and because of their belief that marriage is forever, no matter what. They think I can "change him"

I'm 43, I'm not a child anymore but geez, feeling the disapproval from my parent's is making this very hard, and the entire situation and the years of emotional abuse I have already endured are hard enough.

Have any of you dealt with this? I need to communicate to them that I never would have come to this decision had it not been carefully thought through and I feel is in the best interest of me and my children. But I don't know where to begin.

Help...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2008
Sun, 09-07-2008 - 9:43am

I know exactly what you mean. After my brother's marriage failed and he was jailed my mother was determine that my marriage would work no matter what. When my brother and parents came up to NH to get me out the hospital (STBX-H left me there) I got a lecture on the way home. Mind you I was just diagnosed with Kidney Cancer.


At one pint there was a screaming match in the car with my mother telling me I needed to "understand his issues". My brother pulled the car over and lit into our mother. The rest of the ride was very quiet. My mother was royally pissed that my brother stuck for me.


STBX-H called my parents to apologize for leaving me in the hospital. My dad told him if he ever sees him he will break him in two pieces. My mother finally accepted that the marriage was over. She is now trying to make it to my dad (she was pissed that he stood up for his kids), my brother and I.


She is my mother and I will always love her but I keep her at an arms length about anything going on in my life. I tell my dad somethings but not everything becuase I do not want him to blurt something out by accident.


My brother was so upset that he dropped our mother from the wedding list. I finally convinced him that she should be there but our realtionships with her changed.


sonya...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2003
Sun, 09-07-2008 - 1:26pm

During my first divorce I suffered the guilt of my father,

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2008
Sun, 09-07-2008 - 2:17pm

Thank you so much. Just hearing your story has helped.

It's hard to understand why my family is more concerned about everyone else but me and my happiness. I deserve to be happy too. And in my happiness, my children will be happier as a result.

I've put everyone else's happiness above my own for too long.