Tell him I want a divorce in a letter?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2006
Tell him I want a divorce in a letter?
5
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 9:26am

I am 42 and the mother of 3 kids age 20, 18 and 14. Have been married 21 years.........the first 8 he was a cocaine addict and alcoholic. He has been clean the last 13 and I give him all the credit in the world for that.


I am past the point of wanting anyones opinion on why I should or should not stay in my marriage. We have been to 3 different counselors and I have seen my own therapist for the past 1 1/2 years. This decision has been well thought out and it comes down to the fact of wanting some happiness in my life and to feel real love.........not just staying with someone because I feel sorry for them. He loves me (in his own way but I don't find it fulfilling) and I am not in love with him as anything more then a friend. Been that way for years. Told him in March of 2005 I wanted a divorce and he threatened to kill me. I stayed...............but didn't really want to. Went to counselors at that time and although we don't fight, scream etc.............its just a dead relationship. Our only conversations each day are about our dog and thats about it.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 6:38pm

Um, if he threatened to kill you, perhaps you need to get a safety plan before you tell him. You or he may need to leave the house. Hopefully him. The one to leave the marital home has less of a claim to it, that is what I have heard. IF you do write to him, when will he get it? Will it be in public? Will it be when you aren't home? Will he destroy things of yours? When you talk to him, if you do, afterwards, be prepared to CALL THE POLICE if he makes one move in your direction!!!!!! You cant relent, stand your ground, but BE SAFE. Be prepared to leave, have a bag ready, tell the kids... have a friend/family member waiting for you... make sure you have every scenario worked out.
Check out divorce laws in your state, check out guidelines.
Best of luck!!!!

Liz

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2006
Mon, 12-31-2007 - 9:22pm

Vail,


Threats to end your life are not to be taken lightly. Any guns in the house? Knives within easy reach (even that paring knife in the kitchen?). Your husband obviously has both an anger problem and a control issue.


I'd take the extra step of both informing the police your husband has threatened you and having a safe place to go. Prepare your most important papers (insurance, bank accounts, credit cards, loans, tax forms, etc.), any Rx you need, money, a car, and a safe place for any children who are home yet.

CL-Wisdomtooth2020

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2007
Tue, 01-01-2008 - 11:31am

My husband gave me a hug and a kiss and went off to work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2003
Wed, 01-02-2008 - 9:14am

Death threats are felonies.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 01-02-2008 - 11:15pm

Have you told him yet?


I think that sometimes.... writing a letter is the best option.


Karen ~ wildlucky4me ~