I suppose my post is multi-facetted.
I think you're making this way too complex for a 4 yr old who is not going to understand the difference between a house/place to live and a "home" as we understand it.
Thanks, Music. I really needed to hear that. Your advice makes great sense, and I very much appreciate it. I'm actually not worried about supervised visits during the day - I'm much more apprehensive about night (which is when he was doing all of the drinking...and when he was sneaking out of the house to meet up with women). I do completely agree that his visitation should take place at his place - or the park, etc., but not in my home. And I've got to think about it one day at a time. I find that I need to be hit over the head several times with good advice...sure does take awhile for things to soak into this codependent brain of mine. :) (gotta joke - joking helps me survive!)