telling family about separation

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-22-2012
telling family about separation
1
Fri, 02-17-2012 - 5:37pm

Any advice as to how to break the news of a separation to a very over-involved and kinda controlling family? They know we are having serious difficulties and know we have been going to counseling for a while. Their disapproval and intense pressure actually made us go to counseling first. I know, sounds childish. But I'm kinda afraid to tell them and dealing with their reactions. But this decision is the only thing that has made me feel relief in the past year and it feels completely right. Just scared of the backlash.....

Community Leader
Registered: 01-03-2004
Fri, 02-17-2012 - 8:33pm

SS,

Is your "very over-involved and kinda controlling family" a big reason you're separating? They're too busy sticking their nose in where it doesn't belong and your spouse is wondering just who it was they married? Might be a good reason to separate from your family, i.e. put some geography and boundaries between them and you so you focus on your marriage.

i say that because you seem to fear disapproval and interference from your family more than you seem to be upset about separating from your spouse. So maybe the spouse isn't the problem...your family is?

That said, you'd be wise to seek the counsel of a therapist about how to deliver such news to your family. If you fear their reprisals more than the end of your marriage, then you might need to figure out why you can't set boundaries and have no ability to make decisions without "pressure" from your family.

I highly recommend books by John Bradshaw, especially, "Family Secrets." You might learn a few things that will help you become an adult capable of existing without their family "rules" dictating their lives.

Good luck.