Ten Good Things about my husband leaving
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 07-17-2005 - 8:02pm |
I have been told by numerous wise women around here to think positively about my divorce and my life so today I am going to start with "ten good things about my husband leaving".I wish any of you to do the same with me. I know I will be able to learn a lot by reading others thoughts on this. Please post even if you were the one who filed. I need to see the good in this. Also I want to thank all of you who responded to my post below. Hugs to All of You!
1. I get a whole queen sized bed to myself. I love it!
2. More quality time with my children. Time I obviously wasted fussing over him.
3. I bought myself a recliner that he would have never allowed. It's beautiful. He would have hated it.
4. No more listening to "That's not how my mother does it."
5. I can go to bed when I want too. Don't have to wait up for him.
6. No more piles of his junk everywhere. He's a pile person and I hated it.
7. I don't have to make a full meal every night. The boys are content to eat PB&J, chips, and apple sauce that they cook themselves.
8. No more worrying if he is in a ditch dead somewhere. He never could call to tell me he was going to be late.
9. I can listen to my music whenever and however loud I like without him coming in to turn it down.
10. Less Laundry!!!!!!Yeah!
Hugs, Brenda

Pages
Ten good things about my husband leaving:
1) I have my health back. After he left, mysteriously my health has improved tremendously. Actually, I have no doubt my health problems were mostly caused by my toxic relationship.
2) I am a good person and discovered that I am strong! No more wondering what is wrong with me and trying desperately to please him when he was pulling emotionally away from me further and further.
3) I can go on vacations with just the girls without worrying about leaving him behind. He was always the last person at his company to plan vacation time, so he always ended up with whatever days were left on the calendar.
4) No more compromising my life and goals while I wait for him to achieve his. For him, there was never a good time to get married but he always promised me he loved me and would marry me (was a huge red flag waiving at me!) We were together for 12 years before we got married.
5) I can buy healthy food at the grocery store. No more picking up Lucky Charms and Count Chocula for a 35 year old man-boy.
6) I've lost 15 pounds and people tell me I am glowing. I kept gaining weight during our marriage.
7) I get the bed all to myself.
8) I sleep soundly. I don't have to lose sleep anymore wondering were he is or what he is doing at 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning after he left work at 11:00. (I discovered that he was having at least an emotional affair with a 19 year old girl whom he supervised. He adamantly denied anything physical, hmmm).
9) I can go out with my own friends and do what I want to do and go to places I want to go. I don't have to go out with just his circle of friends and do only what they wanted to do.
10) I can enjoy the holidays more. No more running around trying to spend equal time with his family and my family.
Wow! To narrow this down to only ten...
1) no more trying to wash his skid marks outta his underwear, and doing 15 loads of laundry because he changed 3 times a day.
2) I can eat whatever/whenever, not only the foods he liked, when he wanted. Popcorn for dinner!
3) I can go out and have a good time without being insulted and put down every five minutes. I can make my own friends and see them whenever I want. Don't have to go out with his bunch of wierdos and always be told I wasn't cool enough to bring along.
4) If I run errands on the way home from work, I don't get crapped on for being late. Life runs on my schedule now.
5) No more fat comments. I can wear what I like when I want. Choose what I think looks good on me. No more "I can't be attracted to you fat". I can keep my hair short without "you aren't very feminine looking" comments.
6) I never, ever, ever have to see that freakshow he called family ever again.
7) My bathroom is my own! Potions and lotions and stuff! Yahoo!
8) My money is my own, I spend it how I find appropriate. I don't have to hold on to it because he will spend all of his and we won't have any for food or bills.
9) No more wondering where he is after work, who with, what they are doing. No more wondering if he is lying about where he is (which he was, most of the time). Wondering why he married me if he prefers to spend all his time and efforts on every one else and I wasn't "good enough".
10) No more crying. No more wondering if I am crazy, because he would contradict everything I said or thought.
10. No longer spending every Christmas freezing my butt off in Chicago with the in-laws who don't believe in turning the heat on.
9. Four hour car trips to visit the ex's grandparents with the in-laws and the in-laws' dog who I was allergic to. They know I have asthma and what having that dog in the car did to me yet they couldn't care less.
8. Gritting my teeth as I signed our IRS return when he insisted his creative book keeping was legit and that I just didn't understand because I wasn't an accountant.
7. Him stomping around the house like a child because the house wasn't clean enough. This man was obsessed with cleanliness yet he viewed it as my job to do it all of it even though we both worked full time jobs since he spent less time at home.
6. Not worrying if he was going to get drunk and disappear at parties with other women. I didn't realize how much anxiety that caused and how much joy that took away from me until I started to go to parties by myself now and have a much better time than I ever did with him.
5. Not worrying if he was going to get wasted at parties and/or family functions and make an a** of himself like he's done so many times before. Feeling embarassed as our friends and family would look at me with sympathy.
4. Not ever having to hear "Did you go to the gym today?" "Did you go to the gym today?" Each and every day. Now I work out when I want to work out and I do it for me...not to please him.
3. Not having to watch him make a grimace as I ate everything on my plate or else he'd say mean things about my body. I eat what I want (and I eat healthily) without someone criticizing every bite. I weigh less now than I did with him and his brand of "encouragement."
2. He'd always block my vacation plans when I tried for several years to plan a girls vacation. I'm going this year!
1. I won't miss all the time I spent worrying and desperately waiting around for him to grow up and for my hell to end. He didn't grow up and I ended my hell all on my own and I know now that I can make it through just about anything that may come my way.
What a great thread!
10. No more cleaning up food and crumbs left all over the counters.
9. No tripping over his endless piles of junk in the house.
8. No more spending hours and hours on end shopping at Home Depot, Costo, and Radio Shack. I can shop where and when I want!
7. No more being made fun of because I don't have tons of friends like he does.
6. No more waiting for him to call or show up at home before midnight. No more listening to the car with the "turbo" engine come up the driveway late.
5. No more dealing with his excessive money spending while I have to watch every dime so we can pay bills.
4. Not having to pick his dirty clothing up off of the floor in every room in the house.
3. No dealing with passive-aggressive behavior.
2. No more coming in second (or third....fourth...) place to friends and poker.
1. No more dealing with his awful, insane, cruel family!!
Had to de-lurk on this one...what a fun topic!!
1. Nobody complains when the kids want to sleep with me. And they don't complain if I read in bed.
2. I'm not waiting for him to get home at night and wondering what kind of mood he'll come home in.
3. Nobody has to walk on eggshells because he came home in a bad mood.
4. Dinner is pleasant.
5. The kids can have friends sleep over every night if they want.
6. I have the remote control. If we want to watch the dumbest show on tv we can, without complaining. We can also choose to not turn on the tv at all and read or play board games without the tv blaring in the background.
7. I only have 3 kids to clean up after.
8. I don't have to move the beer out of the way to make room for food in the fridge.
9. No more making up excuses for why he doesn't come places with me.
10. There is soooo much less tension in my house. I never knew how much our hostility toward one another impacted my kids. I was afraid they would exhibit some behavior problems when we separated, but the opposite is true. Sometimes, they miss their father and wish he still lived here. But overall, their behavior is better, they sleep better, and treat me 100% more respectfully.
I have to go one more...
11. When they visit their dad I have the WHOLE house to myself...woohoo!! It doesn't happen too often but they are there for a week right now and I miss them terribly, but it is nice just taking care of myself for a few days.
Jessie
Hugs, Brenda
Pages