Thanks for info and encouragement
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| Fri, 07-22-2005 - 10:56pm |
Thanks so much for taking the time to share information. Yes, I need a lawyer. No, I haven't been able to find any at all who will take my case. I had one when I filed; I had him for 5 months. I paid him around 9K, and still owe almost 5k to him in addition to the credit cards which I mainly used to pay for the legal expense all along. I just could not pay more; and though he was helpful while handling it, and professional when ending it, he just explained that this is a full custody case with one parent moving out of state and each trying for full custody. When he took it I was filing for the divorce and offering my stbx basically 50-50 parenting, joint legal, joint physical. Then he changed it to a full custody suit. That lawyer I had said he already had given me the retainer rate at 2/3rds his normal fee and the hourly also at half his normal rates and that this case was likely to go on for quite a bit longer; and/or involved significant 'research' which is time consuming. So I have been trying to submit paperwork and make my court appearances on my own since April. It seems like many people keep telling me I NEED a lawyer as if I have not, or am not still trying. I am.
I am still hoping I will find a lawyer who will at least look over the final paperwork; but of the ones who have offered a less amount or what they call a 'discount' (by phone, not any referrals so I really know nothing about them but I am calling from a list of lawyers who are state bar approved I go from the Legal Aid Society in my county.) Anyhow the least amount for a retainer is $750 which you must pay even if you are only hiring them short term, or what is called 'bundled services' where they are only going to oversee certain aspects of your case or advice you on something specific. They need the 'retainer' because it is their way of making sure they will get paid if they end up spending more time on a client than the initial estimate. It has been nicely explained to me more than once during this time that many people who are perfectly nice, but are in horrible situations with their divorces will take advantage of a lawyer's kindness and then not pay in full or disappear completely.
When you you seek a lawyer here, they do offer a half hour info/consult, usually on the phone. But they ask a couple of questions first and if you already have an ongoing case they tell you the consult is for new clients beginning a divorce or custody case if that is what you are asking about etc. I have not found any of them to be rude; but their time is their money of course and they are reluctant with a complicated case to give any advice. I have so far called 72 lawyers and/or a few paralegal offices also. Wish me luck and guidance I find someone soon. Hope many of you have found joy today and some success in the hard decisions you are making related to divorce and custody.

It really does sound like you are doing everything you can. It has to be very hard on you physically and emotionally to be going through this. I always think that if I was in your position, I would document everything in the most unbiased way and I would show up and be honest with the judge and make completely reasonable requests and hope it went my way.
If you are going in saying I want 50/50 custody and both parents to be in our children's lives and he's going in saying I want to move and take the children away, some judges would easily find in your favor (it's hard to say most judges because going before a judge is always a gamble and move away cases and cases with a manipulative STBX when he has an attorney and you don't are the most unpredictible). You've got more going for you (sans the attorney) than many people fighting this kind of battle, and many things in your favor such as being the mother, wanting to retain at least joint physical and legal custody (a no brainer in most custody cases for the mother to have sole phyical and joint legal, so you are already showing you are open to the father being very involved in their lives and that will be seen as a positive I am sure), and being a good parent. Just don't give up and give in to his demands, he's just trying to win any way he can and you don't have to let him.